wondering

what the fuck now... will I fucking do? my own life has become a little mystery to me.... fuck... oh well

a story

Thanksgiving.... what do you have to be thankful for? When I was fifteen, i was awakened at about 5:30 am on Thanksgiving morning by my mother's boyfriend of the time. He told me there was an accident with my mother and I needed to get up. My first thought was, "Great, how bad is the van?" Well, not a problem with the van, it was that my mother had decided to slit her wrists at the bar that night. No one would tell me that until hours after I was awakened, but I was finally told. That was the last time that we had made plans to go to my grandmothers for Thanksgiving, and the world changed so much since then for me. Oscar Wilde wrote, "As children, we worship our parents as gods, but when we grow older, we see them for who they really are. Rarely, if ever, do we forgive them.

a story

fucking holiday season...

This is the worst holiday season of the year! Fuck! Not only do I have to buy gifts for every one I fucking know, I have to do it while every one else in the god-damned country does it! Then there's the fucking tree and lights that will sit in my home until spring! Not to mention all the fucking beggars looking for hand outs all over the fucking place! Fuck, it's here again....

work, work work...

I think I work too much, but I never seem to be able to make ends meet. Funny how that works... or doesn't. Been writing a lot again. I've got about a half dozen good starts, but no real initiative to finish any of them, so I started another story. I think this one I'll keep up with and finish. I'll go back to the other ones for sure, just not yet. Also, I started hand writing a script for a movie or really fast moving play... whatever. Just so long as I'm writing. I just need to keep myself in hiding... this way I'll keep working.

Not a good person

but I'm writing. busy as fuck. too much shit... okay... that be all for now.