strange things

So I just watched this movie, and I'm too lazy to see what it was called... something like "sunshine of the spotless mind" i think. any ways, it got me thinking. I need to do something...

Idea...

I figure that it would be nice to have a memory of every day... so why not take a picture every day. I think I'm going to get a camera, and every day, just take one picture. Then I'll get a photo album and keep these pics o' the day... kinda like a journal...

First weekend without

This has been the first weekend in months without the faire. I have to say that I miss the place, but at the same time, I'm enjoying the freedom to stay out late and party it up. On that note, the past two nights were really groovy, and I dug them. Sadly, it's over... or not. There were some really nice parts about the creepshow at Bube's, but they were tiring. Now, it's back to the regular life I had before... Anyone need a clown?

Ever wish

So, have you ever had a moment when you suddenly realize you have no idea how you, or maybe what exactly you go to where you were. Like, when you wake up and start making love with the person you are with... And suddenly you wonder... Oh, never mind. Been a long day and I'm unhappy. The only person who could make me happy now is hopefully sleeping soundly...

I wish I sucked...

I was asked to come in and work today, on my day off, and I said yes because otherwise they are totally screwed. Now I am. I'm tired, as was expected for today, but I also had planned on not having to work today. On the good side, it's mindless work, but it's also very physical... fuck. Oh well. Maybe someday I'll be appreciated there as well.

soooo... another show

tonight I'll be performing my music for what could be the last and only time in my life... i miss the days of doing my music in front of audiences. It's such a rush... but those days are past. oh well. ok, well, off to work and my busy day.

Another phase...

Why do we, as men, love boobs? All they're made of is skin and fat. Sure, there are the whole mammary gland things in there, but they only become important when chicks are pregnant. So what is it about those things we like so much?

Morning again?

It's too early for mornings. The cats are hungry and they won't shut up about it. Ever wish you could just make things mute with a remote control. This needs to be invented along with the time machine!!!

Next phase....

Watch a zombie movie. As you sit there watching the movie, wonder a few things... 1, would I survive if zombies attacked? 2, would I suddenly become an ace shot with a hand gun? 3, what the fuck is wrong with me that I'm even wondering about this?

Finally!!!!

It is finished. Book #7. I still don't have a title, but it's not too bad. I wish I could celebrate with about 7 naked chicks (ya' know, book 7) and a big ole' bottle of JD!!!! Instead, I guess I'll just masturbate to 7 pictures of online porn.

The rabbit...

I was figuring when I got the damned thing that it would only live a few years, only to now find out that the damned thing will likely live for a whole fucking decade!!!! I was so hoping it would die over the winter and was actually going to dig it a hole. well, maybe I'll dig the hole and just hope (or make) an accident.

The next step...

So, I have cleaned most of this afternoon and am shocked to see that it's hardly noticeable. Regardless, it is time for me to chill and write for a bit until I have to make dinner. Okay, off into my mind and imagination I go...

...Phasing

Part Two... Waking up cold. There comes a time when the air outside is getting cold enough that you want to turn on the heat, and yet you like the idea of saving money by not doing so. You know the sun will likely warm the house before too long, and it's not too cold you reason. You just don't want to commit to having to pay for hear again as you think of thing to bake to warm the house a little. I think I'll make cookies and baked potato soup today.

Phases

Part one... The realization that perception is an individual thing. The color blue looks blue to me because I know it as blue, but if I could see it through your eyes would it really be red? Is grey really hot pink, and we all just see it a little differently? Then I wonder about the rest of what I see as reality. Is there really a difference in hot and cold? Like stepping on ice, or a scalding hot black top. Is the pain really different? So is death and life all one? If I were to die now, would I really be gone?

the end?...

So, the PA renn faire has finally finished it's 2004 season. I managed not to cry at Finale, and after. I think I'll survive not seeing these people until next season, but I will definitly miss them. I have learned a lot from the experience, and I am a better person for having done this. So, I shall now retire the "baggette of doom" and continue on in my life as a writer and waiter.

hmmm?

Okay, well, I have mixed feelings about the end of faire. I had such a good time. Retarded moment of the day: I left my lights on and had to get a jump start. oops. And another thing is: is it a good idea to buy a possible homicidal friend the most vicious looking dagger at the sword shop? I think so.

Okay, couple of things...

Okay, so you almost feel bad when a guy with the handicap licence plate comes to a complete stop at a green light... not only are they dissabled, but they are evidently really stupid! Second, I got a lecture on how I am such an asshole. I know this and I really don't need a lecture about it. and finally, where the fuck are my fans sending me naked pictures?!

Live with yours

'Live with yours' was the first song that was written between Dennis and I for Agape Le Abattoir. Funny, but so long after that song was written, after all the times I had sung that song, suddenly it makes sense like it never did before. I understand it.... "Think like the crowd, get carried away. Never leave this town, we'll bury you that way." ... "The day is so long and I can not see. Feeling my mind is all I have and I want to be free. Fear and there is nothing that I fear. Love and create, your death is never near!" ... Just a few lines that suddenly have so much meaning.

home alone

I am home alone... kid in school, wife at work... what am I to do with myself? I just found a frozen pizza in the freezer, there's brunch. I could jerk off to porn all day... write a be productive... get house work done... and other shit!!! this is so great.

I Don't need it!

Why are so many people suggesting I get happy pills? Today, four people suggested that I may be better off if I give them a try. One was a professional shrink! But you know what? I like the anger I feel. I like the sadness I have. I like the fact that I want to brutally destroy half the people I meet by bludgeoning! So, fuck off about the god damned happy pills!!! I like me just fine!

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST!!!!!!!!

WHY THE FUCK DO PEOPLE HONK THEIR GOD DAMNED HORN OUTSIDE AGAIN AND AGAIN!!!!!!!! GO TO THE FUCKING DOOR AND KNOCK ON IT BEFORE I GET A FUCKING SHOVEL AND BLUDGEN YOU TO DEATH WITH IT!!!!!!! GOD,i fucking hate people. been drinken, can ya tell? i like the idea of drinking, tripping down the steps and.. . never mind. if you kill someone while drunk, do they reduce sentense? i need to get the fuck away from this place. anyone want to take in a house trained writer/dreamer who can quote Poe, Wilde, Shakespear and the bible. (don't ask on the last one, i just can) Or if anyone needs a human target, let me know. Okay... need to finish bottle and see if I can survive. distance does not make the heart grow fonder... it just tears it apart.

okay, so...

A bit on the rainy side. you know, I love the people I work with. They inspire amazingly good ideas for the next piece of work I will be writing. granted, i will never be able to let most of them read it, but it will be spectacular. i need more sleep, and maybe a lobotomy... who knows.

Dreams?

Ever have a dream that you wish could be real? you know, like the one where you win a million dollars, or the one where you finally get that supermodel girlfriend, or the one where you finally bring that assault rifle to work and blast away all those mother fuckers who are always pissing you off?

i should be...

I should be shot, pushed from a cliff and burried so my grave could be violated.

i should be...

what would I like?

So once I was asked how I ask for a blow job. My response, which made the chick asking the question think I was an asshole, was that I just push her head down. Okay, well, what other answer should one give? but you know, I guess to me, i would just rather have sex. there is something a lot closer and more personal about sex. But when I do get one, I would't even come close to saying I'm not satisfied. On that note, I need phycho fans. I need people who send me their shitty work, artwork they did, and nude photos of themselves. actually, I would just settle for the photos from chicks.

waited

and all for not...

ever think too much

on a word that makes sense until you dwell on it too long. Like "slippery?" think about it, say it about a dozen times and then it begins to fall apart. suddenly, it makes no sense together as a word!!! oh shit, how am I going to describe KY ever again, i wonder.

sometimes...

you know, it always seems to me that when I get good news, especially really good news, something always happens that makes me forget about it. well, the good news is that my work is finally getting recognized, and the bad news is that someone dear to me has had a terrible thing happen. The worst part about that is that I can't do a damned thing to change it. I wish I was a better human with a way to make things better...

soooo....

As the days grow colder and shorter, I begin to look forward to Earl Grey Tea and candle light. then the snow will come, and my back will hurt from shoveling. Frozen morning waiting for the car to warm up... where is that old man winter fucker. I think we've had enough of his shit. let's go out and club the fucker to death like a baby seal!!!

what I need...

Ever have one of those days where you either want an ax to kill some one or a blow job? I only have enough money for the ax, and this saddens me for some reason. Oh well.

so...

if you wanted to kill someone, and you were alowed to... who would you kill. like if suddenly the government gave out a "kill one person and get away with it card," would you use it? I know I would, and if you aren't going to use yours, can I have it?

can you believe

it's time for bed already.... what would you do with your very own nuclear weapon? I know what i would do... do you? and on that note, wouldn't it be great to have a grenade launcher... you know, fire one into a mall during black friday and ruin countless numerous of holiday seasons with a simple pull of a trigger. sweet dreams...

Those not expected....

it's the ones you really don't expect that are the killers. Things like my dad sending me religious fucking shit in my email... expected and deleted with out a second thought. My mother being a total drunk and waste of human life, expected even in I didn't want to admit it. And then there are the things you don't expect... like being shredded when instead all you wanted was something that made you feel like you had reason. I have spent a lot of time thinking about why this life of mine is absolutely worthless, and it is really. then something comes along and it made me feel like things were right... looking better and all that shit. I could breath and smile... and then what should happen? dropped from the better back to here. welcome to my fucking world. I hope your suffering, because at least I can enjoy that a bit. ...it won't stop, it wants me dead... god damned this noise inside my head...

Voices?

It doesn't bother me that the voices are always saying, "Kill em! Kill em! Kill em!..." It's when i hear, "I want the bananna with cream and sugar!" that I get a little worried.

thought of the day...

you know, go for whatever you want; because if you really fuck up and there is no way out, you always have suicide.

15 minutes later...

okay, thought for the day.... The children of today are all doomed to lives of misserable failure, VD and hate crimes... Reminds me of being in high school myself. And another thought for today... if given 15 minutes, use them wisely. trust me, it's nice.

Jobs and the retarded...

So this may get me shot, but fuck it... It needs to be said. Okay, so I go to target, and i see a sign that says they are hiring... First thought was that I want the job of the person who sits at the door and says, "hello." But this job seems to always go to the retarded guy or woman. so I wondered if I went in and acted like a retard, would I get the job? The thought brings to mind how people are always trying to be so fucking PC about retarded and handicapped even though every one knows at least one retard joke. Why is it that every time you say one, someone in the audience has a retard family member somewhere? Now the joke isn't funny. instead, you have just become a really ignorant mother fucker of the insensetive kind. You know what, I can't make a goddamned joke in MY OWN HOUSE about retards! well fuck that! If it's your family, it should become your joke. Fuck PC... If it's funny, just fucking laugh and get over it!!!

Peter Pan

You know, I love the story of Peter Pan... not only does he have no worry or cares, but he never has to deal with shit like reality. Fuck reality, I want to stay in the fantasy for as long as I can. If there was a way to make the fantasy a reality, i would likely try, but as I always say, "the fantasy is always better." SO would reality tarnish the beauty of a fantasy would it to cross over? fuck if I know... I'm still trying to figure out where I'm at..... if this has made any sense to you at all, i'm sorry because you may need help.

this is kinda sad

so, there are only three more weekends left of faire... I am saddened. very saddened. it always seems to be that just when the party is getting to be amazingly fun, that's when it's time to go. I don't wanna go yet.

Rain and wetness...

Okay, so it is pouring outside right now, and I really hope those at the faire in tents are dry...

wow...

Yeah, that is really all I can say.... WOW.

random thought

so, while brainstorming, I had this random thought: A mother with a sixteen year old daughter. The mothers boyfriend has sex with the daughter, contracting a VD, and then in turn gives it to the mother.... Just a random thought. This is what happens while I brainstorm, and I thought I would share with everyone.