So many delicious options

My name is a name that can be used for a woman as well as a man.  This had brought years of immature ridicule through elementary school, and eventually just a silent obscurity in later years.  Last night, some kid was awed that his mother and I have the same name.  I said it happens.  Usually I say, "The name goes both ways, but I don't."  I didn't last night since the kid was twelve.

My parents gave me the name in the seventies... and I feel that it had to do with trying to be hippie like to do something "unique" with the names of their children.  My brother lucked out only because he was supposed to be a girl and they were going to name him Teressa... instead he was named Terrence.  Still different, but it never picked on as a girl's name.

And then, when I got older, I had a brilliant thought!  I realized that there were a lot of girls out there with the same name as my own.  I had a new mission!  I wanted to have sex with a woman with my own name.  Why?  Well, I suppose you could say it would be an interesting mission for no other reason just to do it, but really I just want to call out my own name while having sex!  Almost happened once... and she was so cute and petite and seemed into the idea... only she was with her brother that night and had to leave.  I never saw her again...

It'll all work out in the end?

I had this idea once that I should start this business that would provide the Santa Clause experience for people for a small fee.  The idea was that if someone would send a payment to an account through the year, they would get a big catalog of items to make wishlists from for the whole family.  This way, no shopping and every one gets a surprise... there's a lot more to it, but no need to bore you with the details.

Needless to say, I never did it.  Never left the idea stage.  I've had a lot of ideas as I was growing up.

One of my favorite ideas I thought up when I was about 13 was to start a porn company for people under the age of 18.  In my young and stupid logic, I reasoned that if adults could watch adults have sex, then why shouldn't I be able to show movies to kids my age of kids my age having sex!  I figured I would make a fortune! Unfortunately I never had enough money to pay any of the girls I knew to have sex on video.  Actually, probably a good thing it never happened since evidently that would have been illegal even though I were just a kid.  I mean, as it is, I took pictures of my sixteen year old girlfriend naked when I was seventeen, and I suppose that was illegal too.

Oh well.  As we get older I suppose we have to have things we like about adulthood... like porn, alcohol and the freedom to move out.  I could care less about the driving bullshit.  Seriously, where the hell are the tubes!?

Nights of waking...

Is it bad when I just can't get a full night's sleep without waking a few times from fucked up dreams?  Last night was a good one... see if you can follow this:

Started out in a library or book store that looked like the library from my high school.  I was having issues with the computer system and people were rude.  There was some girl who for some reason I was to take home from the store.  She lived near me, so it was no big deal.  We started walking home, down the main strip by the grocery stores here in town.  We were walking up the hill when my brother drove up to laugh at me because he was driving but I was walking.  He was drunk, and driving a red wagon.  (no, not station wagon... you know, a kid's red wagon.)  He turned suddenly and it tipped over spilling him out.  He cursed and got it back up but then ran away because cops were coming.  a cop stopped us and asked where he went.  I pointed to a Y in the road to a dark ally that he was hiding in and the cops left.

I turned to the girl (who was the only constant through the dream) and we were now driving.  We were going slow because the girl was nervous.  We were behind this car, and somehow we turned wrong because we were now driving right behind this other car down a wooded dirt road where the houses were old and covered in vines and there was just enough room between the houses to squeeze the car through.  Then the car in front of us stopped because the dirt road was a long driveway.  I realized that we were on the wrong street, and I was worried the guy who just parked would be mad that we followed him, so I put the car in reverse.  I tried to steer backwards, but the houses seemed even closer, and I kept just missing hitting them as I moved the car slowly.  I kept thinking that I would be able to turn around soon, but the driveway seemed to never end.  I kept telling the girl it was going to be fine, but she was getting really scared...

and that was when I woke up...  I had to pee... I closed my eyes and the road was gone, but I still remember the girl with shoulder length black hair with rich brown eyes, red sweater and thin red lips with a tan complexion.  She was holding three hardcover books to her chest with arms wrapped around them the whole time.

Okay... that's all for now...

I feel like there's a big hole...

As a young child, I was the only person I knew who didn't have cable.  My mother felt there was no point since we had three to five channels to watch and a VCR.  And we had a pool, so there was that.

I used to love going to spend the night next door with our neighbor friend.  We would camp out in the basement, turn on Cinemax and watch bad movies and wait for the nudity.  It was brilliant!  We would be really quiet and were ready to change the channel if we heard his parents moving around up there...

Oh, how I miss those days...  Sometimes it's just not as much fun watching a movie with loads of nudity unless there's the possibility of getting caught.

I am not a fan!

Sometimes I think back on the days long ago and I wonder what I would like to share.  There are things you shouldn't share with your current significant other.  Especially stories about things you did with ex's that you really liked!  Nothing incites jealousy like good times spend with ex's, but we all compare.  Seriously, you could have hated your ex's by the time you were done with them, but there had to have been good times.

I have reflected often over my ex's and I have drawn the conclusion that it's easy to remember things however you wish when it comes to the past.  I mean, if you think about it, you can imagine that there was amazing sex and fantastic passion, you just didn't click together so it ended.  And when you sit here thinking about who you are with now, it's never as good as the best times with an ex, and so we feel jaded.

So today is a day when we are supposed to show love, or some such shit.  Today I think of all the ex's who were content to now celebrate this hyped up holiday.

I love my French Press

Once upon a time, I used to go to this little coffee shop next to a movie theater.  It was a cute place, and the name escapes me... There was this chick who played acoustic guitar there all the time, and I used to love to go see here since she had a tendency to play cool music in short skirts on a tall stool and rarely wore panties...

"sometimes I like to pretend..."

Vodka sitting here in a glass... I always wonder what I'll do about getting the next drink.  I wasn't always like this.  I think I feel a lot is falling apart, and the ideologies I was always told meant something have all tarnished.  I sit here alone and desperately I fear sobriety when I'm alone.  It wasn't always like this.

With age comes wisdom, but what have I become wise about other than the simple fact that I know nothing.  But I have learned a lot.  When I was younger I thought that I was wise for the fact that I was more open minded that those around me, but I learned that it meant shit.  Open mindedness left me open to idea to help me become wise, but was it a sort of wisdom that made me keep an opened mind?  No.  I think it was more a matter of curiosity that kept my mind so open.

I'm watching this video by a couple of guys, brothers actually, that I met years back.  The video was recorded in Holland, so they seem to be doing pretty well.  Perhaps one day I'll do a book signing in Holland, but I see this as a very unlikely situation.

Well, the vodka's about done, and so is the video.  I guess that's enough for now?  Yeah...

The evil thing in my think...

I am tired... and now I'm enjoying a beer... and then I'll enjoy the whole growler.  Heavy shit, and it's good.  It was a holiday brew, and it's hit that point where all the spices and sweet stuff is saturated perfectly to make an amazing beer!  Sweet and warm...

I never liked beer when I was younger.  I got a job at a brewery, and I learned why I never liked beer... My parents only ever bought cheep american piss water beer.  When I tasted a real, brewed beer that was made with shit like hops and rick malts and so on, I learned that  beer really did taste good.  You know, real beer.

Yeah... just not feeling the muse today... I guess it's a porno night!

Stupids...

I miss hot chocolate at Melissa's house.

It was 1993, and the snow was so bad... actually, it started with the ice for half a week that then got covered with three feet of snow.  It was so cold and bitter, and it was the first time I had seen lightning with snowfall.  It was amazing.  Everything was closed for days, and then only the grocery stores and mall would open.  The streets were so thick with ice and the day was so cold that salt did nothing to melt the ice.  It would rain and freeze more and more, and I got on my bike and rode to Melissa's house.  I was a sheet of ice when I got there, and she made me take my pants off to dry them.  All this I did for hot chocolate.  It was nuts.

Not as nuts as the phone call from my mom who didn't remember me telling her I was going.  I stayed one night, and my mom was very strict about that whole thing about guys and girls sleeping in separate rooms, but her mom didn't care and said it was fine to sleep in her room since she had a bunk bed.

But she and I were not together like that.  I loved that girl, but she was more of a great friend.  Of course, she had sex with my brother, and I could never get past that to have a relationship with her.  She hinted to the idea she had made a mistake about that... but it was about too late for that.

Though, there was this time when we went to the club and she wanted to stay over at my house.  (I was still living with my mom at the time)  My brother came into my room the next morning to wake me up for a phone call and found her and I sleeping together... in my closet.  (Long story about the closet thing)  ...priceless expression, that one.

She married a douche bag and I saw her at one point years later.  She had to lie to come have lunch with me, though I was married at the time.  I think she claimed to be having lunch with her sister.  I felt a little bitter that I had lost someone who was the best friend I ever had in my life.  I've never had a friend quite like her since, and doubt I ever will.  Of course, hating people and not making friends out of spite for human-kind might have something to do with it... who knows?

Delightful Twats...

Once upon a time, I was going to date this chick with huge tits... I mean, they were enormous.  I was delivering pizza at the time, and one night she came along with the promise of a little fun later... (that never happened) So, she may have been cute with huge tits, but fuck was she annoying!  Every time I would get out of the car to deliver food, I would come back to find that she had changed the radio station to country music... I HATE country music!

Despite the annoying factor, I still wanted a piece from her... so... I was supposed to meet her for lunch one day, and I even bought flowers... she never showed up.  I ended up going to hang out with my friend who eventually got a boob job, became a stripper to pay for the new boobs, and then moved to California... been a while since I've seen or heard from her... I gave her the flowers.

Big tit girl had some lame ass story the next time we met at the club we both frequented.  The night started with her claiming to want to have fun that night, so I stuck around, went to the diner after the club and watched her totally climb all over some other guy and leave with him.  I was bummed, and I let a couple of kids use my car to have sex.  They used the pizza bag as a pillow, and I decided not to ask about details.

I think I saw that chick two more times in my life... I heard she ended up at a very young age with a couple of kids and looking like a worn out rag... and the tits are down to her knees... eh.