And we're back...

I came back a couple of days ago from a vacation that started out great, but ended in some circle of hell I wish never to visit again.  Every year my family and I head down to Delaware (the state with no sales tax!) for a week to camp at this state park along the shore.  It's usually pretty nice aside from getting eaten alive by mosquitoes.  (I always have this issue.  I believe I taste delicious!)   This year, though, the weather had other intentions.  Due to a hurricane heading up the coast, our vacation was cut short.

Well, that sucked.  So we had to break camp and head home.  Before leaving, we hit up the candy shop and the shell shop, so we got our little trinkets.  And then we hit the road.  If you have never had to actually evacuate from somewhere, let me just explain that it sucks.  Especially since there really is only one main route out of Delaware to PA.  Our trip down took just over 3 hours.  Our trip back took nearly 7 hours just to get back into PA.  And that was where the true hell began.

My wife decided since we were still on vacation, we should head north to visit her mother... who lives in the Poconos.  So we drove an additional 3 hours to go there.  After 10 hours in the car, I was irritated.  Going to some lame park with a beach on a man made pond did not make me feel any better.  Nor did having to make breakfast for everyone that morning where by the time I finally got to eat my eggs that I made after giving my other ones away because everyone else decided they wanted what I was having after they asked for something else... so I ate their cold eggs, scrambled, instead of my warm delicious dippy eggs.

Then I had to make dinner of all the left over food for about ten people only to be left with the kids to clean up while my wife went shopping with her friend.  The next morning my wife went to church and I waited for her to come back in hopes of maybe hitting a diner for some breakfast... but she and her friend were really late because they went to a diner for breakfast.

In all, I drank a whole lot of beer and was plain miserable... but at least everyone else had a good time...

I've had only one other vacation that sticks in my mind as worse than this one... and that was the one that I went on after my wife and I split up that my now ex convinced me to go on since it was already paid for.  the only real difference was that I knew before hand how that one was going to go...

Show me the Nipples!

Yes, I am a breast fan!  I love breasts!  I love bog ones and small ones!  Love bog nipples and little nipples.  I love them floppy and firm.  I love them droopy and pointy.  Really, if you have breasts, I want to see them.

Just so long as they're not fake!  I am not a fan of the big fake inflated tit.  If they don't move right of lay right, they just don't look good.  You can really tell in any porno where a woman had big fake tits and she getting it doggy style and her tits have that unnatural sag that droops down past her implant.  Seriously, if you've never see what I'm talking about, look some porn up and check it out.

When I was younger, I found a book in my dad's study.  I was about eleven or twelve, I think, when I found a book called Dreams Die First by Harold Robbins.  I have never read something with graphic sex before, and I was in love!  Unfortunately, my parents found that I was reading it as I was about half way through and the thought it inappropriate for a young boy to read.  It was taken away.  I often wondered how the book ended.  I found a copy of it nearly 20 years later at a flea market.  I was so happy... and now I want more of his books.  Oh, and I found that one on Amazon, if you care to indulge in the deliciously sexy story.  I learned a lot from it when I was a young lad.

Costumes for every one!

I often wonder why women's Halloween costumes are usually slutty?  Of course, it makes sense since the holiday gives us all a chance to do something and be something we're not.

My favorite party I ever hosted was the one where my friend and I dressed as the two from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas!  Seriously fun shit!  Not only did we dress up, but we decided to be the characters.  It confused a few, but eventually people started to pick up on the fact that we were playing around.  We were going to get really crazy as the night went on, but we were stopped as we filled the bathtub to do the whole scene where Dr. Gonzo wanted to be electrocuted in the tub the the tape player...  My (now ex) wife was very adamant about us not doing any such thing.  It would have been a funny scene.  Instead, we got drunk and did other crazy shit.

That was the second to last Halloween party we ever hosted.  I miss my parties.  We had awesome parties!  Seriously, with a few dozen people, booze and food and fun and this one time my friend showed up and for the first hour didn't realize she had her nipples rising out of her skin tight top!  awesome!

And we're finally here!

Big news!  I am so excited to brag about the fact that my cook book is now available on Amazon.com!!!  













That's right!  Now you can get my mildly offensive, very funny, and excellent cookbook and not have to pay for shipping with other shit from amazon!  I am stoked!  And to add to it, all of my other books will be added in the next few months!

Okay, that's really it for now.  No witty ass remarks or other story.  Just an add.  Hope you enjoyed it!  I'll post something better to read later!

-sjm