I have been through a few stages in my life when I have been totally broke and scarping together just enough cash to buy a bar of soap or to get some toilet paper. I have known times when I haven't any money for anything but mac and cheese without the milk for dinner. I have been broke enough that I have learned to stomach Ramen noodles for days on end. I have evaded landlords and waked or taken the bike to places because I don't have money for gas. I have lived with out power for a week until the next paycheck comes in and I could pay the bill to get my power again.
These times were difficult, and they were certainly not pleasant. I would love to say that they were character building, but even that I'm not so sure about. I has taught me to be careful with my finances to avoid these situations. I have come to appreciate the need to abstain from unnecessary expenses for frivolous items I desire. I have done without again and again for the sake of avoiding the pitfall of becoming destitute again.
So why is it that I am at the very precipice of this again? You see, I may be very disciplined with financial restraint, but I find that most people are not. The biggest difference of my lessons I have learned is that no one came to bail me out. When I was stuck, I had to fix it. The funny thing about it all is that when I lived alone, I had no problem not only staying on top of my finances, but I always seemed to manage to have quite a surplus.
I have now been married twice. My first wife had parents who were successful with a business. They would bail her out again and again, though they would hold it over her afterwards. I can not describe the pure bliss of leaving that whole situation. By the time I got out of that one, we had been living in a house that they owned. I would rather not go into details about how that effected the marriage, but obviously you can draw your own ideas as the marriage ended in divorce.
Now I am married to a woman who has been treated as the special one all her life and given everything when she needed it and never had the opportunity to learn how to fix her own problems. What was it that inspired me to enter into a long term relationship with this woman? As they say, love makes us fools. Regardless, things have been on the edge for a time, I suppose. But now, it has come to the point where every penny is needed to keep from getting further into a hole that has opened up under our feet.
This is a place I despise to be in. But I suppose I have chosen the paths that have lead me here. I have chosen the profession of a writer, and I make almost no money from that. I have a job, but seeing as I am not "skilled" in many fields, I do what I must. Sadly that means that I am making barely any money there. My wife does have some college background, but she claims to have chosen a field of study that does not actually help her to get any viable job. Okay, I can live on peanuts. I have my children, I have a lot of comforts that most of the world's population does without. I can live paycheck to paycheck, so long as I can manage it. Sadly, the need for a newer vehicle has broken the fragile thread that we were maintaining from paycheck to paycheck.
Well, this really is a gripe post this time... oh well. I needed to vent a little. If it helps you feel better about your life, then good. Of course, you could always help out by buying one of my books.
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