It's been a whole month and a couple of days since the last time I decided to write something in this blog. I suppose if this were a Catholic Confession, I would begin with, "Forgive me father for I have sinned. It has been about 32 days since my last confession..." But I'm not Catholic. (well, not any more. They tried to raise me that way, but I didn't quite conform. Though, I'm told that once you are Catholic, you always are. In that case, I'm recovering.)
I would love to type that I have been very busy working hard on a variety of things that I was to be working on, but that would be a fairly substantial lie. In fact, I've done about nothing this past month in terms of working for anything of my own projects. This has largely to do with being pulled in several directions, finding myself in a bout of depression and aggravation leading me to the bottle who has been ever vigilant over my free time.
The month started with a return to a childhood memory and a reconnecting with my grandfather who had influenced me in ways I am still realizing. I also had a very profound conversation with myself on a very long walk that humbled me considerably in some terms. Unfortunately, in the mess of life at the beginning of this month, my wife and I mostly skipped celebrating the Anniversary of out wedding. I had planned to delay a small celebration of this event a week later when thing would have calmed down, but as it turned out, my grandfather fell over from a stroke only three days after saying good-bye to him. He never came back to us and finally succumbed nearly a week later.
His passing marks a moment when one generation of my family has gone from me on that side of the family as my grandmother died over a year ago. Understand that I realized when she passed that he would not be long as they had been together for 61 years. When a couple is so entwined, it seems inevitable that they would not wait long to join their beloved who have gone before them. Non-the-less, it was an event that I am slightly saddened about, and for very selfish reasons. I had not really been in contact with my extended family for years, and it seems that I have reconnected just in time to say goodbye.
So, with retrospect and a certain level of desired numbness, I turned to the one thing that seems to always be there for me when the humans around me have failed to be there. Bottle after bottle had been consumed, and sadly as I have a tight budget at this time, the bottles have been cheep.
Only a few days ago there was a service for Pop-pop. This month has been a cold one for me, and I am eager to move on. I'm sipping at my tea, thinking about what I should do now. This blog is only once piece of my desire to get back to work. I have loads of things to get done in the next couple of days. For now, I'm hoping to just keep out of the bottle and enjoy the tea. My soul has been weighted by frustration and anger, sadness and exhaustion; it's time to get up and move again.
That said, I'm going to finish this long ass blog and start rummaging through my unfinished works.
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