Oh, I get it now!

When I was in middle school, I met this kid and we became friends.  He was odd.  His dad was really odd.  His mother was certifiable and always yelled and pulled at her hair.  Of course, she had a twelve yr old boy, and then three girls, ages 1, 2, 4...

His dad had lots of porn.

When I was nine, I found these magazines in my dad's "study" (or the room where my dad had all of his fun toys stashed because he needed to grow up) and I took them for my own.  I loved the feeling I got looking at these naked women and reading the stories about sex, but I had no idea how it all worked.  I still hadn't figured out what to do with the one eyes salute that arose every time I looked at tits.

Through a stupid brag to my cousin, I was found out as having this material.  I was cornered and my parents tried to explain sex to me.  They were so embarrassed about the subject that I was sure they probably had no idea what they were doing.  I wondered how I cam about.  I mean, I took from that three painful hours at the dining room table these pieces of advice: 1-have sex with someone older and more experienced (and I from that day since looked at all my teachers at school and wondered what else they could teach me) 2- wear a condom when you go on dates (i was very confused on this.  evidently, as I was led to believe, being in close proximity to a woman on a date like situation would cause me to ejaculate in my pants.  I pictured my older cousin sitting at Chi-Chi's blowing wads in his pants while talking to a girl.)  3-it's not good to look at pictures of naked women, but when I was ready I could get one naked for myself. (yeah... um... still confused on that one.)

To conclude, when I was about 12, I watched for the first time an x-rated movie.  The title was Debbie Does Dallas 3, and the first sex scene I ever watched was between the two chicks and Ron Jeremy!  I suddenly understood what my parents were trying to explain.  I still have no clue how I came to be, but i now am sure how to explain sex to my children!  As with anything else, let the pro's do the explaining!