Once, a long time ago, I was a good person. i used to care about people and i was genuinely interested in helping people. I would sit on the phone for hours listening to people go on about how shitty things seemed for them and try to console them. I would stay up for hours with people if they cam to me with problems and just wanted someone to be there for them. I would lend money and offer things to people who were having a rough time if they needed it and I could afford it. Hell, some times I couldn't afford it. In a nutshell, I was a nice person.
And people walked all over me. If I needed things, no one offered to do a damn thing for me. No one listened when I needed someone to talk to. No one offered to help me when I needed it. In the end, I would always find myself along and chatting to a plastic spider as my only friend that I could really trust.
I learned a long time ago that I need to be in this for me. I am no longer a nice person. I feel no pity for anyone who falls. I will not stop to help my fellow man. I have become a self centered individual who will only do for others if I know it will have some personal gain for myself.
But I guess, in the end, isn't this how everyone is? Aren't we all just looking out for our own. How many people do you really know who do things just to be kind. I mean, even many "good Samaritans" are just good to ensure their place in a fictitious heaven they believe is real. So I guess I'm just like everyone else now. Perhaps I always was an just didn't realize it.
Eh, who cares... Buy pigface! They're fun!
Thursday, July 28, 2011
Sunday, July 24, 2011
All things shit...
So, again I found myself thinking about my upcoming birthday and plans for it this year. I was thinking of inviting people to join me and buy me my favorite food of all time at some restaurant. But I'm still not sure just yet...
I thought about this one time I was going to go out for my birthday. It was an idea put into my head when I was first told that I wasn't going to be able to get my daughter that day. A friend of mine suggested just going out by myself to a really nice place to have dinner. So I decided to go to this really ritzy place some people had told me about by myself. I called and made the reservation for one.
A few days later, I was drinking at a bar that I lived only a half a block away when I got to chatting with the bartender. Now, I honestly have to say that I really felt little to no interest in her as she was a very different kind of person that I would ever date, but I really liked hanging out with her. So as we were talking, I asked what she was doing the evening in question. She informed me that she was off and doing nothing. So I invited her to join me just for social company. She accepted.
I was so excited because it looked like I was going to have a nice birthday. I changed my reservation. And my ex found out that I was going to dinner that nigh, not alone as I had originally planned, but with some woman she didn't know. So, jealousy kicked in and she suddenly had things pop up and demanded that I take my daughter over night even though it was not my normal day or night to have her.
Of course, I had no intention of having company for the entire night, just dinner. But that was obviously not how my ex took it. So I had my daughter for the night. I called the woman who I had asked to join me, and she answered the phone and simply said, "Oh, I'm glad you called. I need to cancel on the dinner..." and so on. Okay... so I cancelled my reservation at the fancy place since I was sure my 4 year old would definitely not have a good time there. Instead I decided to go to a steak house since they would have a kids menu that would be like all other chain restaurants.
So, we arrived, were seated quickly, and we ordered, and I waited for my birthday steak. Now, I am not usually one to buy the most expensive steak on the menu since I am generally a cheep ass, but it was my birthday, right. I ordered the bacon wrapped nine ounce filet-mignon, done rare to medium rare, with their loaded baked potato. My steak arrived, deliver by another waiter than the one I had, and I found that my steak was well done to almost extra well. My daughter got her baked potato and broccoli and was happy to dig in. I waited for my waiter, or really any one who would walk by.
About ten minutes later, my daughter is done and ready to leave and I still haven't seen my waiter. I get up and find someone, and was soon attended by my waiter who asked if I would like the steak to be redone. I explained, rather sharply art this point, that I was no longer interested in sitting there in that restaurant another 20 minutes to wait for another steak, especially since my daughter had already been finished for several minute and there is nothing of patience in a child of that young age. I ate my potato, had one bite of the most expensive over done steak on their menu, and the took off my daughters food. It was the only time that I honestly left not a penny for a tip, and I have never gone back to that place.
Of course, the steakhouse in question closed down a year later at the economy started to suck. I felt no remorse.
And after all that shit, do I really wish to try to have a birthday ever again?
I thought about this one time I was going to go out for my birthday. It was an idea put into my head when I was first told that I wasn't going to be able to get my daughter that day. A friend of mine suggested just going out by myself to a really nice place to have dinner. So I decided to go to this really ritzy place some people had told me about by myself. I called and made the reservation for one.
A few days later, I was drinking at a bar that I lived only a half a block away when I got to chatting with the bartender. Now, I honestly have to say that I really felt little to no interest in her as she was a very different kind of person that I would ever date, but I really liked hanging out with her. So as we were talking, I asked what she was doing the evening in question. She informed me that she was off and doing nothing. So I invited her to join me just for social company. She accepted.
I was so excited because it looked like I was going to have a nice birthday. I changed my reservation. And my ex found out that I was going to dinner that nigh, not alone as I had originally planned, but with some woman she didn't know. So, jealousy kicked in and she suddenly had things pop up and demanded that I take my daughter over night even though it was not my normal day or night to have her.
Of course, I had no intention of having company for the entire night, just dinner. But that was obviously not how my ex took it. So I had my daughter for the night. I called the woman who I had asked to join me, and she answered the phone and simply said, "Oh, I'm glad you called. I need to cancel on the dinner..." and so on. Okay... so I cancelled my reservation at the fancy place since I was sure my 4 year old would definitely not have a good time there. Instead I decided to go to a steak house since they would have a kids menu that would be like all other chain restaurants.
So, we arrived, were seated quickly, and we ordered, and I waited for my birthday steak. Now, I am not usually one to buy the most expensive steak on the menu since I am generally a cheep ass, but it was my birthday, right. I ordered the bacon wrapped nine ounce filet-mignon, done rare to medium rare, with their loaded baked potato. My steak arrived, deliver by another waiter than the one I had, and I found that my steak was well done to almost extra well. My daughter got her baked potato and broccoli and was happy to dig in. I waited for my waiter, or really any one who would walk by.
About ten minutes later, my daughter is done and ready to leave and I still haven't seen my waiter. I get up and find someone, and was soon attended by my waiter who asked if I would like the steak to be redone. I explained, rather sharply art this point, that I was no longer interested in sitting there in that restaurant another 20 minutes to wait for another steak, especially since my daughter had already been finished for several minute and there is nothing of patience in a child of that young age. I ate my potato, had one bite of the most expensive over done steak on their menu, and the took off my daughters food. It was the only time that I honestly left not a penny for a tip, and I have never gone back to that place.
Of course, the steakhouse in question closed down a year later at the economy started to suck. I felt no remorse.
And after all that shit, do I really wish to try to have a birthday ever again?
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Welcome to my ugh...
I've been thinking about writing music again. I was thinking about just doing a cover band, doing industrial covers of random songs. I think I just really want to do Moody Blues and Cure songs. It would be fun.
Eh, who knows. I have so much other shit going on at any given time that it almost seems ridiculous to try to do anything else right now.
On the other side of things, I was thinking about the days of being a cook part time. I used to cook food for these big feasts, and I would carry down these huge pieces of meat to cut up to serve. I would put on a kilt, worn properly, and carry about 50 pounds of cooked meat on a 10 pound platter to the awe of the feasters.
I've got a few good memories about the whole thing, but one that stands out right now is the time... well it went like this. There was this woman in a read top that as she made her way up the stairs, her large breasts swayed free. She made a comment, and I said that I was just watching to see if her breasts would swing free. And it was then that she pulled down the front of her blouse and out they were. Big and beautiful pendulous breasts. Oh, it was delicious. In return, I lifted my kilt so she could get an eye full of my ass. (it's amazing how a kilt makes your naked ass a desirable thing)
Now beside me was one of the bus boys who couldn't believe what he had just seen. The other two bus boys came by after she was gone and they were so upset they missed the show. Well, we sat there until she returned and I explained that these young lads missed her bountiful breasts. So she told us to line up, pulled them out and tweaked her nipples for our pleasure. (never mind that two of the boys were only 16 years old)
Ah, I will never forget that woman. I mean, I couldn't tell you what she looked like aside from her large breasts with those rich, chocolate colored nipples with those big old areolas... I wonder what her face looked like.
Eh, who knows. I have so much other shit going on at any given time that it almost seems ridiculous to try to do anything else right now.
On the other side of things, I was thinking about the days of being a cook part time. I used to cook food for these big feasts, and I would carry down these huge pieces of meat to cut up to serve. I would put on a kilt, worn properly, and carry about 50 pounds of cooked meat on a 10 pound platter to the awe of the feasters.
I've got a few good memories about the whole thing, but one that stands out right now is the time... well it went like this. There was this woman in a read top that as she made her way up the stairs, her large breasts swayed free. She made a comment, and I said that I was just watching to see if her breasts would swing free. And it was then that she pulled down the front of her blouse and out they were. Big and beautiful pendulous breasts. Oh, it was delicious. In return, I lifted my kilt so she could get an eye full of my ass. (it's amazing how a kilt makes your naked ass a desirable thing)
Now beside me was one of the bus boys who couldn't believe what he had just seen. The other two bus boys came by after she was gone and they were so upset they missed the show. Well, we sat there until she returned and I explained that these young lads missed her bountiful breasts. So she told us to line up, pulled them out and tweaked her nipples for our pleasure. (never mind that two of the boys were only 16 years old)
Ah, I will never forget that woman. I mean, I couldn't tell you what she looked like aside from her large breasts with those rich, chocolate colored nipples with those big old areolas... I wonder what her face looked like.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Horny frogs...
Remember that all the noises you year animals make at night mean they are trying to get laid.
I always enjoy the idea that it's considered a romantic gesture to give someone you like the sexual organs of plants. And if you have plant allergies, it's because you are actually allergic to plant semen. And if you park under a maple tree and find in the morning that there is a thin yellow layer all over your car, consider that the tree had cum all over your car.
With that in mind, I realize a whole lot of other things. Like how delicious eggs are unfertilized chicken embryos. Eh, but I still want them fried up with that gooey yellow center to dip my toast into what would have been the protein of the chicken fetus if it should have been fertile.
Okay, I'm off to make breakfast!
I always enjoy the idea that it's considered a romantic gesture to give someone you like the sexual organs of plants. And if you have plant allergies, it's because you are actually allergic to plant semen. And if you park under a maple tree and find in the morning that there is a thin yellow layer all over your car, consider that the tree had cum all over your car.
With that in mind, I realize a whole lot of other things. Like how delicious eggs are unfertilized chicken embryos. Eh, but I still want them fried up with that gooey yellow center to dip my toast into what would have been the protein of the chicken fetus if it should have been fertile.
Okay, I'm off to make breakfast!
Friday, July 15, 2011
Nearly 3 and a half decades...
I have spent my life going back and forth about birthdays. When I was young, I had a pool, there was one year there was a pony, and another year a clown. And still, I always envied my brother's parties since he had his birthday close enough to Halloween that he had theme parties. It was awesome...
So the last parties when I was young for my birthday were a little less than fun. one that sticks out in my mind is the year my mother wished to surprise me with a party. I found out about it. (to date, no one has ever actually surprised me with a party.) I found out that my brother was in charge of inviting everyone for my party. I told my brother to make sure he invited my 2 best friends who I always hung out with. The day arrived for the party, and my friends weren't there. In fact, they were all my brother's friends that I knew only by association. I called my friends and found that they were never invited. I left my own party before cake and ice cream to go hang out with my friends. My mother was pissed, and I was more than angry.
The next year was better because I ditched the house and went to hang with my friends making it clear that I was having friends over at his place for my birthday. It was my 16th, and my dad showed up. he gave us money for chips and soda.
The year after, my mother was going to have a party again, but I made it perfectly clear that I did not wish for one. So, she made plans to go out of town for the weekend and bought a whole shit load of junk food and soda just in case I wanted to have friends over. I spent the weekend at my friend's house instead and actually got scolded for NOT having a party!
Since that year, I have avoided the whole birthday thing. But then, last year as I was reading the Satanic Bible, I realized that I should really make it a big deal. So for the first time since I was a little kid, I decided to celebrate openly the day of my birth since it was the most important event in my life! So, I found out my wife was planning a party for me, I just didn't know when and where at first. I figured she would have planned something on any other day other than my birthday because I needed to work 1st thing in the morning (6am), but I was wrong. And it ended up being the most embarrassing event in the history of birthdays.
My wife had evidently sent a message via Facebook to all of our mutual friends that she was planning something. That was how I found out about her plans. Then, on my birthday, she suggested we head out to the bar that I once had worked at and knew the employees and owner. I figured she had the plans worked out for there on the night of my birthday. Okay. So we show up, and I figure we must be early since there is only one other person there at the time. (that person being the ex-wife of a good friend, and I can't say that I could care less to be around her.) There is a big ass Star Trek cake and the whole deck has been reserved for my party... that no one showed up for.
I was so embarrassed. I cut the cake when we realized not a soul was coming out, and I spent most of the night listening to my wife and my friend's ex talk about Avon. Bored, pissed, rejected, alone and other words would describe best how I felt about that night. I was so angry that I posted a comment on my facebook berating all my friends for choosing not to show up.
The next morning I found several replies that basically said, "huh? what party?"
So it turned out that my wife never got back to most of the people who said they would come if they had details, and she never actually went through my list of friends to invite people. I can't really explain the feelings I had about the whole mess, and who I was pissed off at. In fact, I still get angry about the whole incident. But the worst part is that I am so embarrassed about the whole event that I have not gone back to that bar of my own volition since.
And so, as my next birthday approaches, I feel that i should do something to avoid this whole cluster-fuck once again as I did when I turned 16. I've still got almost 2 months... so we'll just have to see.
In the mean time, buy some cure!
So the last parties when I was young for my birthday were a little less than fun. one that sticks out in my mind is the year my mother wished to surprise me with a party. I found out about it. (to date, no one has ever actually surprised me with a party.) I found out that my brother was in charge of inviting everyone for my party. I told my brother to make sure he invited my 2 best friends who I always hung out with. The day arrived for the party, and my friends weren't there. In fact, they were all my brother's friends that I knew only by association. I called my friends and found that they were never invited. I left my own party before cake and ice cream to go hang out with my friends. My mother was pissed, and I was more than angry.
The next year was better because I ditched the house and went to hang with my friends making it clear that I was having friends over at his place for my birthday. It was my 16th, and my dad showed up. he gave us money for chips and soda.
The year after, my mother was going to have a party again, but I made it perfectly clear that I did not wish for one. So, she made plans to go out of town for the weekend and bought a whole shit load of junk food and soda just in case I wanted to have friends over. I spent the weekend at my friend's house instead and actually got scolded for NOT having a party!
Since that year, I have avoided the whole birthday thing. But then, last year as I was reading the Satanic Bible, I realized that I should really make it a big deal. So for the first time since I was a little kid, I decided to celebrate openly the day of my birth since it was the most important event in my life! So, I found out my wife was planning a party for me, I just didn't know when and where at first. I figured she would have planned something on any other day other than my birthday because I needed to work 1st thing in the morning (6am), but I was wrong. And it ended up being the most embarrassing event in the history of birthdays.
My wife had evidently sent a message via Facebook to all of our mutual friends that she was planning something. That was how I found out about her plans. Then, on my birthday, she suggested we head out to the bar that I once had worked at and knew the employees and owner. I figured she had the plans worked out for there on the night of my birthday. Okay. So we show up, and I figure we must be early since there is only one other person there at the time. (that person being the ex-wife of a good friend, and I can't say that I could care less to be around her.) There is a big ass Star Trek cake and the whole deck has been reserved for my party... that no one showed up for.
I was so embarrassed. I cut the cake when we realized not a soul was coming out, and I spent most of the night listening to my wife and my friend's ex talk about Avon. Bored, pissed, rejected, alone and other words would describe best how I felt about that night. I was so angry that I posted a comment on my facebook berating all my friends for choosing not to show up.
The next morning I found several replies that basically said, "huh? what party?"
So it turned out that my wife never got back to most of the people who said they would come if they had details, and she never actually went through my list of friends to invite people. I can't really explain the feelings I had about the whole mess, and who I was pissed off at. In fact, I still get angry about the whole incident. But the worst part is that I am so embarrassed about the whole event that I have not gone back to that bar of my own volition since.
And so, as my next birthday approaches, I feel that i should do something to avoid this whole cluster-fuck once again as I did when I turned 16. I've still got almost 2 months... so we'll just have to see.
In the mean time, buy some cure!
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