What a turbulent year for this impoverished writer. This has been a year that has brought much back into my life that I had hoped was gone for good. At the same time, it has taken things that I hadn't put much thought into for many years.
In all, I suppose this year is pretty much what a year should be. We grow with each experience if we are wise. I would of course like to imagine that I have grown a bit this year. And that is really the whole point of living.
This year was a good year in the respect that I feel that I managed to produce work available for sale. In fact, this year marks the start of my books available electronically via Kindle. Though I decided to start with the Kindle first, I plan to move into the Nook thing soon. But, having such limited time as the holidays drew closer, I needed to make a decision to have my work up one place or the other. I am pleased with the result, seeing as people did in fact purchase my work!
So what for the new year? Who knows. I've been working on a book that I hope to have finished and available by spring, along with a couple of written titles that have yet to be released. I'm tempted to release a collection of stories around Easter featuring the God character... but who knows. In all, there will be much writing and editing. There will also be the return to the comic work and a new piece that has been in development for several months. And let's not forget, more porn for the The Porno World stories. And I will admit that I am excited about trying some new things to be posted to Youtube as well as my cooking show.
I could go on and on about shit, but you get the point. Thanks for reading, and keep coming back!
Wednesday, December 28, 2011
Saturday, December 24, 2011
fuck this year!
tomorrow is X-mas... and what is it "but another year older and not a penny richer?" Well, any way...
i finished my x-mas story for the year. You know, I started this whole story thing because I used to send out song lyrics for holidays. I couldn't think of a good one that year, and I was told I should write a story. i did.
I make nothing from my story every year, but I feel good about having written it... though people don't always love the story... oh well. Thing is, I write this story for free and spend huge amounts of time on it and make little from it. This year I have my first 4 years on Kindle, and I sold a few... but in the end, I've made about $1.75 from it...
I sigh...
i finished my x-mas story for the year. You know, I started this whole story thing because I used to send out song lyrics for holidays. I couldn't think of a good one that year, and I was told I should write a story. i did.
I make nothing from my story every year, but I feel good about having written it... though people don't always love the story... oh well. Thing is, I write this story for free and spend huge amounts of time on it and make little from it. This year I have my first 4 years on Kindle, and I sold a few... but in the end, I've made about $1.75 from it...
I sigh...
Sunday, December 11, 2011
Lesser of the two for the Holiday
I haven't had to work a christmas in as long as I can remember. In fact, I don't think I ever had to work on Christmas. This year, I will have to. I'm not exactly pleased that I have to work, but I am happy to use the situation to my benefit.
There was a time when I was almost liking the holidays. I haven't really had any family of my own in quite some time, and this time of the year is a little lonely for me. So I was happy to go with my wife and spend them there. That is, until about a year ago when it all went to shit because my wife's mother openly remarked about her disapproval of me. After a heated argument and such, I was left feeling rather uncomfortable being there. It's been that way ever since.
Obviously, if I have to work on Christmas, I chose to work just a little later in the day so I can at least open gifts with my children. Then, I'll go to work and my wife will head north to her family. When I'm done working, there really won't be much point in trying to head up there, because I will still have to work the next morning. So I'll come back to the empty home and sit here alone. I'll likely watch a lot of porn and British sitcoms and drink.
I suppose I could go to my mother's house, but I think I would much rather stay here alone. It shouldn't be like this, I think, but there it is. I would rather be alone than be around any one in my extended family.
I miss when I was young and no one went anywhere during Christmas. That day was for presents, toys, and food. There was no driving hours to get to somewhere to open more presents. That's what the rest of the holiday week was about. But I seem to be the only one who feels this way, so there it is.
But I won't have to travel this year... always look on the bright side...
There was a time when I was almost liking the holidays. I haven't really had any family of my own in quite some time, and this time of the year is a little lonely for me. So I was happy to go with my wife and spend them there. That is, until about a year ago when it all went to shit because my wife's mother openly remarked about her disapproval of me. After a heated argument and such, I was left feeling rather uncomfortable being there. It's been that way ever since.
Obviously, if I have to work on Christmas, I chose to work just a little later in the day so I can at least open gifts with my children. Then, I'll go to work and my wife will head north to her family. When I'm done working, there really won't be much point in trying to head up there, because I will still have to work the next morning. So I'll come back to the empty home and sit here alone. I'll likely watch a lot of porn and British sitcoms and drink.
I suppose I could go to my mother's house, but I think I would much rather stay here alone. It shouldn't be like this, I think, but there it is. I would rather be alone than be around any one in my extended family.
I miss when I was young and no one went anywhere during Christmas. That day was for presents, toys, and food. There was no driving hours to get to somewhere to open more presents. That's what the rest of the holiday week was about. But I seem to be the only one who feels this way, so there it is.
But I won't have to travel this year... always look on the bright side...
Wednesday, November 02, 2011
The demons in my bowels...
Every so often I feel there is a demon living in my guts. I feel that most of the time I just sits there watching TV or something and juts doesn't do anything. Then sometimes I feel that it gets bored and begins to do things to my inner workings. It is these times that I notice the demon, for it makes me feel so unwell. At times, I'll feel a bit of nausea, but often it's just a subtle sound deep in my bowels that will warn me. Ignore it or not, I will soon begin to feel a pain that I can only imagine is the worst pain I will ever feel in my life.
The demon can be restless any time of the day, but I find he grows bored mostly at night. I am often awoken by the feel of horns and pitchforks twisting my guts into excruciatingly painful knots as I arise from slumber. I try to ignore this feeling only a couple of times before I fully wake and realize that the demon needs to be exorcised.
The exorcism is done once again, and I shakily return to bed. I lay awake for some time wondering if I am the only one suffering with this demon in my bowels? Eventually I drift off to sleep again... but I know that it will only be a matter of time before the Demon is restless again...
The demon can be restless any time of the day, but I find he grows bored mostly at night. I am often awoken by the feel of horns and pitchforks twisting my guts into excruciatingly painful knots as I arise from slumber. I try to ignore this feeling only a couple of times before I fully wake and realize that the demon needs to be exorcised.
The exorcism is done once again, and I shakily return to bed. I lay awake for some time wondering if I am the only one suffering with this demon in my bowels? Eventually I drift off to sleep again... but I know that it will only be a matter of time before the Demon is restless again...
Sunday, October 30, 2011
Sleep has brought me to this?
Long weekend so far. Even with only a couple of shows to do and just a couple of days of work, this is a long weekend every year. This year, I had to attend a party that I usually, often conveniently, miss. I suppose I have to admit to myself that I often find my mind desiring to avoid people rather than making plans for social events. I mean, I do make plans to go to a show if friends are playing. This is a rare thing, though. In the past five years, I've been to only three shows that I can remember. All three shows had my one friend's band.
And that's about as much as I cared to be out. Ever since I quit the bar, I do little to nothing to get together with old friends. This is okay with me most of the time.
Though I must admit that a friend of mine occasionally invites people to breakfast at a buffet. I like to go there. I seem to be a welcome addition to the group, though I often am offensive and probably crude. (Okay, there's no probably about it)
Okay, well, no buffet this morning... but I'm hungry for eggs any way.
And that's about as much as I cared to be out. Ever since I quit the bar, I do little to nothing to get together with old friends. This is okay with me most of the time.
Though I must admit that a friend of mine occasionally invites people to breakfast at a buffet. I like to go there. I seem to be a welcome addition to the group, though I often am offensive and probably crude. (Okay, there's no probably about it)
Okay, well, no buffet this morning... but I'm hungry for eggs any way.
Friday, October 14, 2011
Baking Beans...
Waiting for the spooky days to come and become the thing around me. I was working on a monster years ago that now hangs unfinished in a closet and I'm thinking about finishing it. And what else? Maybe some pumpkins that are scary and creepy. Until then... I have bananas that need to come inside...
You know, I have no idea how to care for these plants. I bought them because it seemed like a cool idea. and then I bought another one because the first hadn't died yet. But then I found out that I was taking horrible care of the plants. They evidently need massive amounts of nutrients to flourish. So I brought them in and have begun their regimen of nutrient supplementing.
But for now, time to kick back, see if I can last just another 30 minutes without drinking and then I'm off to bed... or maybe I'll just have one little drink...?
You know, I have no idea how to care for these plants. I bought them because it seemed like a cool idea. and then I bought another one because the first hadn't died yet. But then I found out that I was taking horrible care of the plants. They evidently need massive amounts of nutrients to flourish. So I brought them in and have begun their regimen of nutrient supplementing.
But for now, time to kick back, see if I can last just another 30 minutes without drinking and then I'm off to bed... or maybe I'll just have one little drink...?
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
And then there was beans...
So, in the interest of losing weight and and all that happy horse shit that goes along with being healthy, I was reading about what kinds of food are good to eat as opposed to those that are bad. I mean, there's the obvious shit like bacon and chocolate that are supposed to be bad for you. Of course, they now have chocolate covered bacon to be extra bad.
I suppose what it really boils down to is just avoid processed food and foods with loads of fat. But man does that stuff taste good. I mean, who doesn't love french fries!? Everyone loves french fries! of course, I have long felt that Americans will eat anything that's been fried. Potatoes, onions, zucchini, corn, rice, meat, cheese, crickets, fruits, sugars, cicadas, peas, and peppers to name a few items Americans will eat when fried. Hell, they even batter and fry Oreo's and Twinkies!
On the opposite side of things, I found that there are some interesting things that are good for you. Oatmeal, with simple stuff like fruit and none of the fattening sugar and cream is really good for you. And cannaloni beans are good for you too. So I was wondering about making an oatmeal, cannaloni vegetarian chili... wonder what that shit would be like?
Of course, I would bet I could lose weight like nothing should I stop the drinking... but we know how that works, huh?
I suppose what it really boils down to is just avoid processed food and foods with loads of fat. But man does that stuff taste good. I mean, who doesn't love french fries!? Everyone loves french fries! of course, I have long felt that Americans will eat anything that's been fried. Potatoes, onions, zucchini, corn, rice, meat, cheese, crickets, fruits, sugars, cicadas, peas, and peppers to name a few items Americans will eat when fried. Hell, they even batter and fry Oreo's and Twinkies!
On the opposite side of things, I found that there are some interesting things that are good for you. Oatmeal, with simple stuff like fruit and none of the fattening sugar and cream is really good for you. And cannaloni beans are good for you too. So I was wondering about making an oatmeal, cannaloni vegetarian chili... wonder what that shit would be like?
Of course, I would bet I could lose weight like nothing should I stop the drinking... but we know how that works, huh?
Wednesday, October 05, 2011
something interesting?
i think I actually gave myself a tummy ache eating candy. How the fuck does that happen? you know, I can remember a time when I could eat loads of sugary sweets and never even notice. In fact, there was a point in my life where I used to scrounge change, go to the drug store and buy candy bars, 2 for 88 cents, and a soda. I would get four candy bars, a soda, and then sit at the dis-used train track bridge and enjoy my snack before going home, or where ever. I miss those days.
It's not enough that now a single candy bar most places costs at least a dollar and the cheapest coke is over a buck and a half, but now if I eat too much candy I get a tummy ache! I must say that I am a bit displeased about this.
Adversely, I have found that I am able to drink a lot of booze in one evening and not feel as bad as a couple of handfuls of candy "bottle caps."
It's not enough that now a single candy bar most places costs at least a dollar and the cheapest coke is over a buck and a half, but now if I eat too much candy I get a tummy ache! I must say that I am a bit displeased about this.
Adversely, I have found that I am able to drink a lot of booze in one evening and not feel as bad as a couple of handfuls of candy "bottle caps."
Tuesday, September 27, 2011
spooky shit and shtuff...
So I made this Red Miso Soup for lunch... it was interesting. It had a very fascinating taste. I've had white miso before, so I had to give this a try. Okay, I tried it.
I was raised having to try things all the time. It causes a conflict in my life these days. I have trouble going to restaurants and making quick decisions because there is that part of me that knows what I like, and then there is the other part of me that bugs me to try something different. I would love to say that I do what I want, but it's difficult to know when your mildly schizophrenic about things like this.
And onto other shit that you may or may not give a rat's ass about: I started working in earnest on this year's halloween story. It should be good. I hope people like it since I'm bringing back someone from my serial stories for this one. Who knows. Then I have to think about X-mas...
Until then, I will take a nap...
I was raised having to try things all the time. It causes a conflict in my life these days. I have trouble going to restaurants and making quick decisions because there is that part of me that knows what I like, and then there is the other part of me that bugs me to try something different. I would love to say that I do what I want, but it's difficult to know when your mildly schizophrenic about things like this.
And onto other shit that you may or may not give a rat's ass about: I started working in earnest on this year's halloween story. It should be good. I hope people like it since I'm bringing back someone from my serial stories for this one. Who knows. Then I have to think about X-mas...
Until then, I will take a nap...
Friday, September 23, 2011
don't ever trust...
Recently a young woman told me that I needed to trust people more. There's a story behind this statement, but I'm not really interested in sharing that part now. To her statement I simply said that I have never been a very trusting sort. That would be a mostly true statement. But most people, when young and innocent, are very trusting. But when a child learns that his parents have lied to them, it's all downhill from there.
I've been lied to a lot. Still am... so, I trust no one. Not a single person in this world does a damned thing just to be nice. Even the holy rollers use nice deeds as bargaining ships for what they believe will be a glorious afterlife. Well, if I do something nice for you, I'll be honest about it... I want something in return. If your hot, then I want to see your tits... if a guy... well, less likely to find a good reason to help out.
As a wise drunk once observed: "Pussy: it'll get you to move a couch on your day off."
I've been lied to a lot. Still am... so, I trust no one. Not a single person in this world does a damned thing just to be nice. Even the holy rollers use nice deeds as bargaining ships for what they believe will be a glorious afterlife. Well, if I do something nice for you, I'll be honest about it... I want something in return. If your hot, then I want to see your tits... if a guy... well, less likely to find a good reason to help out.
As a wise drunk once observed: "Pussy: it'll get you to move a couch on your day off."
Thursday, September 22, 2011
Old class...
Sitting here waiting for dinner to get done cooking and I'm listening to some old Deliverance... wow, nice even still! This was one of my favorite bands back when I was a lost little boy of about 12-13. they were christian, but that didn't matter. They rocked something fierce. And they seemed to have a good message... although very christian in meaning. Even still, I listened and head banged and such to their amazing sounds.
Ah, those were some good times, even if it put into my head some shitty complexes... anyway... I went to a few good shows back then, and still find that there are some pretty good bands from the christian sector.
(just as a side note, those fucking potatoes were awesome!)
Ah, those were some good times, even if it put into my head some shitty complexes... anyway... I went to a few good shows back then, and still find that there are some pretty good bands from the christian sector.
(just as a side note, those fucking potatoes were awesome!)
Wednesday, September 21, 2011
Friday, September 16, 2011
it's not funny!
So, there's a joke i like to tell: A young couple is getting married. At the alter, the bride and groom are smiling from ear to ear. You know why they are smiling?
That young man is marrying the woman who gives the best blow jobs he has ever had in his entire life...
The young bride is smiling because she knows she will never have to give her man another blowjob for the rest of her life.
Did you laugh or chuckle? If you did, did you suddenly feel a pang in your chest with the realization that this is true? I know I do every time I tell this joke...
That young man is marrying the woman who gives the best blow jobs he has ever had in his entire life...
The young bride is smiling because she knows she will never have to give her man another blowjob for the rest of her life.
Did you laugh or chuckle? If you did, did you suddenly feel a pang in your chest with the realization that this is true? I know I do every time I tell this joke...
Thursday, September 15, 2011
lentils
Yup, at the grocery store the other day and there it was... Lentil soup pack. Okay, really excited for a rainy day like this to give it a try. so here it goes. Cooking right now as I type. Hopefully it does't suck... or end up on the floor... and why am I so excited about this soup? Well, if you were laughing already, you probably already know. For those who don't find such humor in the word, Lentil, I suggest watching a show from the BBC called "the Young Ones" Seriously, you need to check it out...
And speaking of cooking... Big fucking news... coming soon. Yeah, I totally teased you with that! Now you have to wait until next week to find out what it is... but it'll be worth it!
And speaking of cooking... Big fucking news... coming soon. Yeah, I totally teased you with that! Now you have to wait until next week to find out what it is... but it'll be worth it!
Sunday, September 11, 2011
Time tables...
It's time to start getting my ass in gear for the holiday season. No really! First holiday season is Halloween, and I think that I finally have a good idea for this year's Halloween story! Not telling yet what it is. Second, I'm working on getting my books available on Amazon.com... like the cookbook! Then, I'm going to enjoy a lot of porn and hope I make enough money to stop having to do anything but writing and making kilts...
Eh, well, I can dream, yes? Okay, well, I'll write something witty later. Need shower and coffee now!
Eh, well, I can dream, yes? Okay, well, I'll write something witty later. Need shower and coffee now!
Friday, September 09, 2011
OOO, it's the sun?
The past few days have been full of rain and flooding in the part of the world I live in. It's been nuts! You know, I've seen pictures on the news through my life of flooding and such, but I never thought I would actually live somewhere that I could see it live. Don't get me wrong, we're not that bad off as so many others, but it was rather awe inspiring!
I think I've always been a little fascinated by the power of weather. I've always wanted to see a tornado, and have yet to see one. The idea of seeing one terrifies me a bit, and yet I really still want to see one. That and I would love to weather out a hurricane. I used to watch the reporters as they would be standing in the downpour and winds and wished I could be there. I've also dreamed of being struck by lightning... You know, sometimes I wonder if I may be suicidal but just don't want to do the work to make it happen? It would explain a lot...
I think I've always been a little fascinated by the power of weather. I've always wanted to see a tornado, and have yet to see one. The idea of seeing one terrifies me a bit, and yet I really still want to see one. That and I would love to weather out a hurricane. I used to watch the reporters as they would be standing in the downpour and winds and wished I could be there. I've also dreamed of being struck by lightning... You know, sometimes I wonder if I may be suicidal but just don't want to do the work to make it happen? It would explain a lot...
Thursday, September 08, 2011
oooo, shiny!
You know, it seems to me that everyone is always trying to update their web designs about once a years just to confuse me. I get used to one new design when there's another one that comes out that I now have to get used to...
Well, there's that and the rain. Holy shit is there rain! It rained to the point of flooding the town yesterday. That was kinda cool to see... though the three college kids who were riding down with boogie boards to the flooded areas where the rushing water was mixing with the flooded who knows what of the butcher's slaughter house and he smell of sewage... well, I hope they had fun. Funny how the town had a smell that was somewhere between BBQ potato chips and shit. Usually it's chocolate and shit.
Oh well... and today is my birthday. I'm now three and a half decades old. Am I any wiser? Who knows... All I keep thinking is that I am one year closer to my demise... Okay, I need a drink... but only one because I actually have to go to work today in a couple of hours.
Well, there's that and the rain. Holy shit is there rain! It rained to the point of flooding the town yesterday. That was kinda cool to see... though the three college kids who were riding down with boogie boards to the flooded areas where the rushing water was mixing with the flooded who knows what of the butcher's slaughter house and he smell of sewage... well, I hope they had fun. Funny how the town had a smell that was somewhere between BBQ potato chips and shit. Usually it's chocolate and shit.
Oh well... and today is my birthday. I'm now three and a half decades old. Am I any wiser? Who knows... All I keep thinking is that I am one year closer to my demise... Okay, I need a drink... but only one because I actually have to go to work today in a couple of hours.
Wednesday, August 31, 2011
And we're back...
I came back a couple of days ago from a vacation that started out great, but ended in some circle of hell I wish never to visit again. Every year my family and I head down to Delaware (the state with no sales tax!) for a week to camp at this state park along the shore. It's usually pretty nice aside from getting eaten alive by mosquitoes. (I always have this issue. I believe I taste delicious!) This year, though, the weather had other intentions. Due to a hurricane heading up the coast, our vacation was cut short.
Well, that sucked. So we had to break camp and head home. Before leaving, we hit up the candy shop and the shell shop, so we got our little trinkets. And then we hit the road. If you have never had to actually evacuate from somewhere, let me just explain that it sucks. Especially since there really is only one main route out of Delaware to PA. Our trip down took just over 3 hours. Our trip back took nearly 7 hours just to get back into PA. And that was where the true hell began.
My wife decided since we were still on vacation, we should head north to visit her mother... who lives in the Poconos. So we drove an additional 3 hours to go there. After 10 hours in the car, I was irritated. Going to some lame park with a beach on a man made pond did not make me feel any better. Nor did having to make breakfast for everyone that morning where by the time I finally got to eat my eggs that I made after giving my other ones away because everyone else decided they wanted what I was having after they asked for something else... so I ate their cold eggs, scrambled, instead of my warm delicious dippy eggs.
Then I had to make dinner of all the left over food for about ten people only to be left with the kids to clean up while my wife went shopping with her friend. The next morning my wife went to church and I waited for her to come back in hopes of maybe hitting a diner for some breakfast... but she and her friend were really late because they went to a diner for breakfast.
In all, I drank a whole lot of beer and was plain miserable... but at least everyone else had a good time...
I've had only one other vacation that sticks in my mind as worse than this one... and that was the one that I went on after my wife and I split up that my now ex convinced me to go on since it was already paid for. the only real difference was that I knew before hand how that one was going to go...
Well, that sucked. So we had to break camp and head home. Before leaving, we hit up the candy shop and the shell shop, so we got our little trinkets. And then we hit the road. If you have never had to actually evacuate from somewhere, let me just explain that it sucks. Especially since there really is only one main route out of Delaware to PA. Our trip down took just over 3 hours. Our trip back took nearly 7 hours just to get back into PA. And that was where the true hell began.
My wife decided since we were still on vacation, we should head north to visit her mother... who lives in the Poconos. So we drove an additional 3 hours to go there. After 10 hours in the car, I was irritated. Going to some lame park with a beach on a man made pond did not make me feel any better. Nor did having to make breakfast for everyone that morning where by the time I finally got to eat my eggs that I made after giving my other ones away because everyone else decided they wanted what I was having after they asked for something else... so I ate their cold eggs, scrambled, instead of my warm delicious dippy eggs.
Then I had to make dinner of all the left over food for about ten people only to be left with the kids to clean up while my wife went shopping with her friend. The next morning my wife went to church and I waited for her to come back in hopes of maybe hitting a diner for some breakfast... but she and her friend were really late because they went to a diner for breakfast.
In all, I drank a whole lot of beer and was plain miserable... but at least everyone else had a good time...
I've had only one other vacation that sticks in my mind as worse than this one... and that was the one that I went on after my wife and I split up that my now ex convinced me to go on since it was already paid for. the only real difference was that I knew before hand how that one was going to go...
Friday, August 12, 2011
Show me the Nipples!
Yes, I am a breast fan! I love breasts! I love bog ones and small ones! Love bog nipples and little nipples. I love them floppy and firm. I love them droopy and pointy. Really, if you have breasts, I want to see them.
Just so long as they're not fake! I am not a fan of the big fake inflated tit. If they don't move right of lay right, they just don't look good. You can really tell in any porno where a woman had big fake tits and she getting it doggy style and her tits have that unnatural sag that droops down past her implant. Seriously, if you've never see what I'm talking about, look some porn up and check it out.
When I was younger, I found a book in my dad's study. I was about eleven or twelve, I think, when I found a book called Dreams Die First by Harold Robbins. I have never read something with graphic sex before, and I was in love! Unfortunately, my parents found that I was reading it as I was about half way through and the thought it inappropriate for a young boy to read. It was taken away. I often wondered how the book ended. I found a copy of it nearly 20 years later at a flea market. I was so happy... and now I want more of his books. Oh, and I found that one on Amazon, if you care to indulge in the deliciously sexy story. I learned a lot from it when I was a young lad.
Just so long as they're not fake! I am not a fan of the big fake inflated tit. If they don't move right of lay right, they just don't look good. You can really tell in any porno where a woman had big fake tits and she getting it doggy style and her tits have that unnatural sag that droops down past her implant. Seriously, if you've never see what I'm talking about, look some porn up and check it out.
When I was younger, I found a book in my dad's study. I was about eleven or twelve, I think, when I found a book called Dreams Die First by Harold Robbins. I have never read something with graphic sex before, and I was in love! Unfortunately, my parents found that I was reading it as I was about half way through and the thought it inappropriate for a young boy to read. It was taken away. I often wondered how the book ended. I found a copy of it nearly 20 years later at a flea market. I was so happy... and now I want more of his books. Oh, and I found that one on Amazon, if you care to indulge in the deliciously sexy story. I learned a lot from it when I was a young lad.
Wednesday, August 10, 2011
Costumes for every one!
I often wonder why women's Halloween costumes are usually slutty? Of course, it makes sense since the holiday gives us all a chance to do something and be something we're not.
My favorite party I ever hosted was the one where my friend and I dressed as the two from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas! Seriously fun shit! Not only did we dress up, but we decided to be the characters. It confused a few, but eventually people started to pick up on the fact that we were playing around. We were going to get really crazy as the night went on, but we were stopped as we filled the bathtub to do the whole scene where Dr. Gonzo wanted to be electrocuted in the tub the the tape player... My (now ex) wife was very adamant about us not doing any such thing. It would have been a funny scene. Instead, we got drunk and did other crazy shit.
That was the second to last Halloween party we ever hosted. I miss my parties. We had awesome parties! Seriously, with a few dozen people, booze and food and fun and this one time my friend showed up and for the first hour didn't realize she had her nipples rising out of her skin tight top! awesome!
My favorite party I ever hosted was the one where my friend and I dressed as the two from Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas! Seriously fun shit! Not only did we dress up, but we decided to be the characters. It confused a few, but eventually people started to pick up on the fact that we were playing around. We were going to get really crazy as the night went on, but we were stopped as we filled the bathtub to do the whole scene where Dr. Gonzo wanted to be electrocuted in the tub the the tape player... My (now ex) wife was very adamant about us not doing any such thing. It would have been a funny scene. Instead, we got drunk and did other crazy shit.
That was the second to last Halloween party we ever hosted. I miss my parties. We had awesome parties! Seriously, with a few dozen people, booze and food and fun and this one time my friend showed up and for the first hour didn't realize she had her nipples rising out of her skin tight top! awesome!
Sunday, August 07, 2011
And we're finally here!
Big news! I am so excited to brag about the fact that my cook book is now available on Amazon.com!!!
That's right! Now you can get my mildly offensive, very funny, and excellent cookbook and not have to pay for shipping with other shit from amazon! I am stoked! And to add to it, all of my other books will be added in the next few months!
Okay, that's really it for now. No witty ass remarks or other story. Just an add. Hope you enjoyed it! I'll post something better to read later!
-sjm
That's right! Now you can get my mildly offensive, very funny, and excellent cookbook and not have to pay for shipping with other shit from amazon! I am stoked! And to add to it, all of my other books will be added in the next few months!
Okay, that's really it for now. No witty ass remarks or other story. Just an add. Hope you enjoyed it! I'll post something better to read later!
-sjm
Thursday, July 28, 2011
The strange collection of friends I have had...
Once, a long time ago, I was a good person. i used to care about people and i was genuinely interested in helping people. I would sit on the phone for hours listening to people go on about how shitty things seemed for them and try to console them. I would stay up for hours with people if they cam to me with problems and just wanted someone to be there for them. I would lend money and offer things to people who were having a rough time if they needed it and I could afford it. Hell, some times I couldn't afford it. In a nutshell, I was a nice person.
And people walked all over me. If I needed things, no one offered to do a damn thing for me. No one listened when I needed someone to talk to. No one offered to help me when I needed it. In the end, I would always find myself along and chatting to a plastic spider as my only friend that I could really trust.
I learned a long time ago that I need to be in this for me. I am no longer a nice person. I feel no pity for anyone who falls. I will not stop to help my fellow man. I have become a self centered individual who will only do for others if I know it will have some personal gain for myself.
But I guess, in the end, isn't this how everyone is? Aren't we all just looking out for our own. How many people do you really know who do things just to be kind. I mean, even many "good Samaritans" are just good to ensure their place in a fictitious heaven they believe is real. So I guess I'm just like everyone else now. Perhaps I always was an just didn't realize it.
Eh, who cares... Buy pigface! They're fun!
And people walked all over me. If I needed things, no one offered to do a damn thing for me. No one listened when I needed someone to talk to. No one offered to help me when I needed it. In the end, I would always find myself along and chatting to a plastic spider as my only friend that I could really trust.
I learned a long time ago that I need to be in this for me. I am no longer a nice person. I feel no pity for anyone who falls. I will not stop to help my fellow man. I have become a self centered individual who will only do for others if I know it will have some personal gain for myself.
But I guess, in the end, isn't this how everyone is? Aren't we all just looking out for our own. How many people do you really know who do things just to be kind. I mean, even many "good Samaritans" are just good to ensure their place in a fictitious heaven they believe is real. So I guess I'm just like everyone else now. Perhaps I always was an just didn't realize it.
Eh, who cares... Buy pigface! They're fun!
Sunday, July 24, 2011
All things shit...
So, again I found myself thinking about my upcoming birthday and plans for it this year. I was thinking of inviting people to join me and buy me my favorite food of all time at some restaurant. But I'm still not sure just yet...
I thought about this one time I was going to go out for my birthday. It was an idea put into my head when I was first told that I wasn't going to be able to get my daughter that day. A friend of mine suggested just going out by myself to a really nice place to have dinner. So I decided to go to this really ritzy place some people had told me about by myself. I called and made the reservation for one.
A few days later, I was drinking at a bar that I lived only a half a block away when I got to chatting with the bartender. Now, I honestly have to say that I really felt little to no interest in her as she was a very different kind of person that I would ever date, but I really liked hanging out with her. So as we were talking, I asked what she was doing the evening in question. She informed me that she was off and doing nothing. So I invited her to join me just for social company. She accepted.
I was so excited because it looked like I was going to have a nice birthday. I changed my reservation. And my ex found out that I was going to dinner that nigh, not alone as I had originally planned, but with some woman she didn't know. So, jealousy kicked in and she suddenly had things pop up and demanded that I take my daughter over night even though it was not my normal day or night to have her.
Of course, I had no intention of having company for the entire night, just dinner. But that was obviously not how my ex took it. So I had my daughter for the night. I called the woman who I had asked to join me, and she answered the phone and simply said, "Oh, I'm glad you called. I need to cancel on the dinner..." and so on. Okay... so I cancelled my reservation at the fancy place since I was sure my 4 year old would definitely not have a good time there. Instead I decided to go to a steak house since they would have a kids menu that would be like all other chain restaurants.
So, we arrived, were seated quickly, and we ordered, and I waited for my birthday steak. Now, I am not usually one to buy the most expensive steak on the menu since I am generally a cheep ass, but it was my birthday, right. I ordered the bacon wrapped nine ounce filet-mignon, done rare to medium rare, with their loaded baked potato. My steak arrived, deliver by another waiter than the one I had, and I found that my steak was well done to almost extra well. My daughter got her baked potato and broccoli and was happy to dig in. I waited for my waiter, or really any one who would walk by.
About ten minutes later, my daughter is done and ready to leave and I still haven't seen my waiter. I get up and find someone, and was soon attended by my waiter who asked if I would like the steak to be redone. I explained, rather sharply art this point, that I was no longer interested in sitting there in that restaurant another 20 minutes to wait for another steak, especially since my daughter had already been finished for several minute and there is nothing of patience in a child of that young age. I ate my potato, had one bite of the most expensive over done steak on their menu, and the took off my daughters food. It was the only time that I honestly left not a penny for a tip, and I have never gone back to that place.
Of course, the steakhouse in question closed down a year later at the economy started to suck. I felt no remorse.
And after all that shit, do I really wish to try to have a birthday ever again?
I thought about this one time I was going to go out for my birthday. It was an idea put into my head when I was first told that I wasn't going to be able to get my daughter that day. A friend of mine suggested just going out by myself to a really nice place to have dinner. So I decided to go to this really ritzy place some people had told me about by myself. I called and made the reservation for one.
A few days later, I was drinking at a bar that I lived only a half a block away when I got to chatting with the bartender. Now, I honestly have to say that I really felt little to no interest in her as she was a very different kind of person that I would ever date, but I really liked hanging out with her. So as we were talking, I asked what she was doing the evening in question. She informed me that she was off and doing nothing. So I invited her to join me just for social company. She accepted.
I was so excited because it looked like I was going to have a nice birthday. I changed my reservation. And my ex found out that I was going to dinner that nigh, not alone as I had originally planned, but with some woman she didn't know. So, jealousy kicked in and she suddenly had things pop up and demanded that I take my daughter over night even though it was not my normal day or night to have her.
Of course, I had no intention of having company for the entire night, just dinner. But that was obviously not how my ex took it. So I had my daughter for the night. I called the woman who I had asked to join me, and she answered the phone and simply said, "Oh, I'm glad you called. I need to cancel on the dinner..." and so on. Okay... so I cancelled my reservation at the fancy place since I was sure my 4 year old would definitely not have a good time there. Instead I decided to go to a steak house since they would have a kids menu that would be like all other chain restaurants.
So, we arrived, were seated quickly, and we ordered, and I waited for my birthday steak. Now, I am not usually one to buy the most expensive steak on the menu since I am generally a cheep ass, but it was my birthday, right. I ordered the bacon wrapped nine ounce filet-mignon, done rare to medium rare, with their loaded baked potato. My steak arrived, deliver by another waiter than the one I had, and I found that my steak was well done to almost extra well. My daughter got her baked potato and broccoli and was happy to dig in. I waited for my waiter, or really any one who would walk by.
About ten minutes later, my daughter is done and ready to leave and I still haven't seen my waiter. I get up and find someone, and was soon attended by my waiter who asked if I would like the steak to be redone. I explained, rather sharply art this point, that I was no longer interested in sitting there in that restaurant another 20 minutes to wait for another steak, especially since my daughter had already been finished for several minute and there is nothing of patience in a child of that young age. I ate my potato, had one bite of the most expensive over done steak on their menu, and the took off my daughters food. It was the only time that I honestly left not a penny for a tip, and I have never gone back to that place.
Of course, the steakhouse in question closed down a year later at the economy started to suck. I felt no remorse.
And after all that shit, do I really wish to try to have a birthday ever again?
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Welcome to my ugh...
I've been thinking about writing music again. I was thinking about just doing a cover band, doing industrial covers of random songs. I think I just really want to do Moody Blues and Cure songs. It would be fun.
Eh, who knows. I have so much other shit going on at any given time that it almost seems ridiculous to try to do anything else right now.
On the other side of things, I was thinking about the days of being a cook part time. I used to cook food for these big feasts, and I would carry down these huge pieces of meat to cut up to serve. I would put on a kilt, worn properly, and carry about 50 pounds of cooked meat on a 10 pound platter to the awe of the feasters.
I've got a few good memories about the whole thing, but one that stands out right now is the time... well it went like this. There was this woman in a read top that as she made her way up the stairs, her large breasts swayed free. She made a comment, and I said that I was just watching to see if her breasts would swing free. And it was then that she pulled down the front of her blouse and out they were. Big and beautiful pendulous breasts. Oh, it was delicious. In return, I lifted my kilt so she could get an eye full of my ass. (it's amazing how a kilt makes your naked ass a desirable thing)
Now beside me was one of the bus boys who couldn't believe what he had just seen. The other two bus boys came by after she was gone and they were so upset they missed the show. Well, we sat there until she returned and I explained that these young lads missed her bountiful breasts. So she told us to line up, pulled them out and tweaked her nipples for our pleasure. (never mind that two of the boys were only 16 years old)
Ah, I will never forget that woman. I mean, I couldn't tell you what she looked like aside from her large breasts with those rich, chocolate colored nipples with those big old areolas... I wonder what her face looked like.
Eh, who knows. I have so much other shit going on at any given time that it almost seems ridiculous to try to do anything else right now.
On the other side of things, I was thinking about the days of being a cook part time. I used to cook food for these big feasts, and I would carry down these huge pieces of meat to cut up to serve. I would put on a kilt, worn properly, and carry about 50 pounds of cooked meat on a 10 pound platter to the awe of the feasters.
I've got a few good memories about the whole thing, but one that stands out right now is the time... well it went like this. There was this woman in a read top that as she made her way up the stairs, her large breasts swayed free. She made a comment, and I said that I was just watching to see if her breasts would swing free. And it was then that she pulled down the front of her blouse and out they were. Big and beautiful pendulous breasts. Oh, it was delicious. In return, I lifted my kilt so she could get an eye full of my ass. (it's amazing how a kilt makes your naked ass a desirable thing)
Now beside me was one of the bus boys who couldn't believe what he had just seen. The other two bus boys came by after she was gone and they were so upset they missed the show. Well, we sat there until she returned and I explained that these young lads missed her bountiful breasts. So she told us to line up, pulled them out and tweaked her nipples for our pleasure. (never mind that two of the boys were only 16 years old)
Ah, I will never forget that woman. I mean, I couldn't tell you what she looked like aside from her large breasts with those rich, chocolate colored nipples with those big old areolas... I wonder what her face looked like.
Wednesday, July 20, 2011
Horny frogs...
Remember that all the noises you year animals make at night mean they are trying to get laid.
I always enjoy the idea that it's considered a romantic gesture to give someone you like the sexual organs of plants. And if you have plant allergies, it's because you are actually allergic to plant semen. And if you park under a maple tree and find in the morning that there is a thin yellow layer all over your car, consider that the tree had cum all over your car.
With that in mind, I realize a whole lot of other things. Like how delicious eggs are unfertilized chicken embryos. Eh, but I still want them fried up with that gooey yellow center to dip my toast into what would have been the protein of the chicken fetus if it should have been fertile.
Okay, I'm off to make breakfast!
I always enjoy the idea that it's considered a romantic gesture to give someone you like the sexual organs of plants. And if you have plant allergies, it's because you are actually allergic to plant semen. And if you park under a maple tree and find in the morning that there is a thin yellow layer all over your car, consider that the tree had cum all over your car.
With that in mind, I realize a whole lot of other things. Like how delicious eggs are unfertilized chicken embryos. Eh, but I still want them fried up with that gooey yellow center to dip my toast into what would have been the protein of the chicken fetus if it should have been fertile.
Okay, I'm off to make breakfast!
Friday, July 15, 2011
Nearly 3 and a half decades...
I have spent my life going back and forth about birthdays. When I was young, I had a pool, there was one year there was a pony, and another year a clown. And still, I always envied my brother's parties since he had his birthday close enough to Halloween that he had theme parties. It was awesome...
So the last parties when I was young for my birthday were a little less than fun. one that sticks out in my mind is the year my mother wished to surprise me with a party. I found out about it. (to date, no one has ever actually surprised me with a party.) I found out that my brother was in charge of inviting everyone for my party. I told my brother to make sure he invited my 2 best friends who I always hung out with. The day arrived for the party, and my friends weren't there. In fact, they were all my brother's friends that I knew only by association. I called my friends and found that they were never invited. I left my own party before cake and ice cream to go hang out with my friends. My mother was pissed, and I was more than angry.
The next year was better because I ditched the house and went to hang with my friends making it clear that I was having friends over at his place for my birthday. It was my 16th, and my dad showed up. he gave us money for chips and soda.
The year after, my mother was going to have a party again, but I made it perfectly clear that I did not wish for one. So, she made plans to go out of town for the weekend and bought a whole shit load of junk food and soda just in case I wanted to have friends over. I spent the weekend at my friend's house instead and actually got scolded for NOT having a party!
Since that year, I have avoided the whole birthday thing. But then, last year as I was reading the Satanic Bible, I realized that I should really make it a big deal. So for the first time since I was a little kid, I decided to celebrate openly the day of my birth since it was the most important event in my life! So, I found out my wife was planning a party for me, I just didn't know when and where at first. I figured she would have planned something on any other day other than my birthday because I needed to work 1st thing in the morning (6am), but I was wrong. And it ended up being the most embarrassing event in the history of birthdays.
My wife had evidently sent a message via Facebook to all of our mutual friends that she was planning something. That was how I found out about her plans. Then, on my birthday, she suggested we head out to the bar that I once had worked at and knew the employees and owner. I figured she had the plans worked out for there on the night of my birthday. Okay. So we show up, and I figure we must be early since there is only one other person there at the time. (that person being the ex-wife of a good friend, and I can't say that I could care less to be around her.) There is a big ass Star Trek cake and the whole deck has been reserved for my party... that no one showed up for.
I was so embarrassed. I cut the cake when we realized not a soul was coming out, and I spent most of the night listening to my wife and my friend's ex talk about Avon. Bored, pissed, rejected, alone and other words would describe best how I felt about that night. I was so angry that I posted a comment on my facebook berating all my friends for choosing not to show up.
The next morning I found several replies that basically said, "huh? what party?"
So it turned out that my wife never got back to most of the people who said they would come if they had details, and she never actually went through my list of friends to invite people. I can't really explain the feelings I had about the whole mess, and who I was pissed off at. In fact, I still get angry about the whole incident. But the worst part is that I am so embarrassed about the whole event that I have not gone back to that bar of my own volition since.
And so, as my next birthday approaches, I feel that i should do something to avoid this whole cluster-fuck once again as I did when I turned 16. I've still got almost 2 months... so we'll just have to see.
In the mean time, buy some cure!
So the last parties when I was young for my birthday were a little less than fun. one that sticks out in my mind is the year my mother wished to surprise me with a party. I found out about it. (to date, no one has ever actually surprised me with a party.) I found out that my brother was in charge of inviting everyone for my party. I told my brother to make sure he invited my 2 best friends who I always hung out with. The day arrived for the party, and my friends weren't there. In fact, they were all my brother's friends that I knew only by association. I called my friends and found that they were never invited. I left my own party before cake and ice cream to go hang out with my friends. My mother was pissed, and I was more than angry.
The next year was better because I ditched the house and went to hang with my friends making it clear that I was having friends over at his place for my birthday. It was my 16th, and my dad showed up. he gave us money for chips and soda.
The year after, my mother was going to have a party again, but I made it perfectly clear that I did not wish for one. So, she made plans to go out of town for the weekend and bought a whole shit load of junk food and soda just in case I wanted to have friends over. I spent the weekend at my friend's house instead and actually got scolded for NOT having a party!
Since that year, I have avoided the whole birthday thing. But then, last year as I was reading the Satanic Bible, I realized that I should really make it a big deal. So for the first time since I was a little kid, I decided to celebrate openly the day of my birth since it was the most important event in my life! So, I found out my wife was planning a party for me, I just didn't know when and where at first. I figured she would have planned something on any other day other than my birthday because I needed to work 1st thing in the morning (6am), but I was wrong. And it ended up being the most embarrassing event in the history of birthdays.
My wife had evidently sent a message via Facebook to all of our mutual friends that she was planning something. That was how I found out about her plans. Then, on my birthday, she suggested we head out to the bar that I once had worked at and knew the employees and owner. I figured she had the plans worked out for there on the night of my birthday. Okay. So we show up, and I figure we must be early since there is only one other person there at the time. (that person being the ex-wife of a good friend, and I can't say that I could care less to be around her.) There is a big ass Star Trek cake and the whole deck has been reserved for my party... that no one showed up for.
I was so embarrassed. I cut the cake when we realized not a soul was coming out, and I spent most of the night listening to my wife and my friend's ex talk about Avon. Bored, pissed, rejected, alone and other words would describe best how I felt about that night. I was so angry that I posted a comment on my facebook berating all my friends for choosing not to show up.
The next morning I found several replies that basically said, "huh? what party?"
So it turned out that my wife never got back to most of the people who said they would come if they had details, and she never actually went through my list of friends to invite people. I can't really explain the feelings I had about the whole mess, and who I was pissed off at. In fact, I still get angry about the whole incident. But the worst part is that I am so embarrassed about the whole event that I have not gone back to that bar of my own volition since.
And so, as my next birthday approaches, I feel that i should do something to avoid this whole cluster-fuck once again as I did when I turned 16. I've still got almost 2 months... so we'll just have to see.
In the mean time, buy some cure!
Wednesday, July 13, 2011
I Love Catch-22!
I love to read. I read a lot. But I don't read enough. I think one of my favorite books of all time was Catch-22. You know the best part about the book is that it was supposed to be catch-18. But there was something about the number 18 being in something else that year, so they went with the second silliest number Heller could think of.
I've always loved reading books with sex in it. I loved it in high school, because I would sit there in study hall and read all the steamy details and then think about the fact that everyone else around me wasn't even thinking about sex like I was reading. Nothing like romance novels, but there seemed to always be a scene in most of the Koontz books that I was reading at the time. Especially that one where the guy had all sorts of fetishes and a drug to hypnotize people. Man did I want a drug to hypnotize people.
I have to admit that I spent a lot of time thinking about that. Of course, had I planned ahead in my life, I would have saved all my money I spent on the recording equipment and instruments to invest in my future to buy kinky prostitutes and moved to LasVegas. Oh well, hind sight 20/20.
But now I just have high speed internet and streaming porn! But seriously, you should read Catch-22!
I've always loved reading books with sex in it. I loved it in high school, because I would sit there in study hall and read all the steamy details and then think about the fact that everyone else around me wasn't even thinking about sex like I was reading. Nothing like romance novels, but there seemed to always be a scene in most of the Koontz books that I was reading at the time. Especially that one where the guy had all sorts of fetishes and a drug to hypnotize people. Man did I want a drug to hypnotize people.
I have to admit that I spent a lot of time thinking about that. Of course, had I planned ahead in my life, I would have saved all my money I spent on the recording equipment and instruments to invest in my future to buy kinky prostitutes and moved to LasVegas. Oh well, hind sight 20/20.
But now I just have high speed internet and streaming porn! But seriously, you should read Catch-22!
Monday, July 11, 2011
The dead guy who love manicotti
So when I used to deliver pizza, I was good at where I should take deliveries to and where to avoid on a busy Saturday. The worst was the diaper house! Holy stinky shitty diapers! These people had an enclosed staircase to their apartment, and just outside their door were the trash cans. I am positive that they would have been better off if the cans had lids, but they didn't.
These people wold let their young kids, (3-6 at any given time) answer the door. Then I would have to stand there and wait until the kids got the attention of one of the parents. Then, one child would come with money. the father (or the male living there) would finally arrive and wait for exact change and take the food. The whole time the putrid collection of diapers in the trash cans, not even in bags, filled me with a desire to vomit. Of course, imagine that smell. Hot pizza, purifying baby shit, and vomit all at once. Finally, I could leave. And what was my tip for having to deal with this shit? Not one penny! Oh how I hated those ass holes.
Here's the thing... people in the industry who work for tips remember shit like this. Seriously, if someone told me to go to 96 south main street, I would cringe and the feeling of nausea would overcome me, and it's been over 15 years since I delivered pizza! And let me tell you, when you are a shitty tipper, don't you think for a second that on a busy Friday/Saturday night that you will get your food in any timely manner!
The creepiest delivery was the woman who would make us go into her house and take the food to the dining room table while she collected the money from the man in the recliner. Here's the thing about them. I would have to come in, she would instruct me to wait, and I would listen to her inquire about how much to give me. Thing was, I never heard the guy reply. I mean, her voice was loud and clear, but I never heard a word from him. When I would walk by the room that he was seated, always exactly in the same position and forever watching Wheel of blah blah blah... never moving. And I wasn't the only one. The other drivers claimed to never hear or see him move either. So we all devised a theory that he was dead and she was taking care of his corpse so as to never have to say goodbye.
It was another driver who did it first, but we all followed suit fast enough. When she would tell us to come in, we flatly refused and explained that it was an insurance thing. At first, she would say things like, "Oh, I trust you boys" and such, and I think I finally just stated that it didn't matter since we couldn't trust her. Then, I knocked on the door about two weeks after we boycotted stepping foot in their house. I about fell over when there before me was the man who we all thought was dead standing at the door. He seemed pretty irritated about the fact that we would no longer go into his house, but we all stuck by our story. Even Joe corroborated the story when she placed their order once.
I mean, really, if all I'm getting is one dollar, I see no reason to go all the way to delivering your food to your damned dinning room table!
These people wold let their young kids, (3-6 at any given time) answer the door. Then I would have to stand there and wait until the kids got the attention of one of the parents. Then, one child would come with money. the father (or the male living there) would finally arrive and wait for exact change and take the food. The whole time the putrid collection of diapers in the trash cans, not even in bags, filled me with a desire to vomit. Of course, imagine that smell. Hot pizza, purifying baby shit, and vomit all at once. Finally, I could leave. And what was my tip for having to deal with this shit? Not one penny! Oh how I hated those ass holes.
Here's the thing... people in the industry who work for tips remember shit like this. Seriously, if someone told me to go to 96 south main street, I would cringe and the feeling of nausea would overcome me, and it's been over 15 years since I delivered pizza! And let me tell you, when you are a shitty tipper, don't you think for a second that on a busy Friday/Saturday night that you will get your food in any timely manner!
The creepiest delivery was the woman who would make us go into her house and take the food to the dining room table while she collected the money from the man in the recliner. Here's the thing about them. I would have to come in, she would instruct me to wait, and I would listen to her inquire about how much to give me. Thing was, I never heard the guy reply. I mean, her voice was loud and clear, but I never heard a word from him. When I would walk by the room that he was seated, always exactly in the same position and forever watching Wheel of blah blah blah... never moving. And I wasn't the only one. The other drivers claimed to never hear or see him move either. So we all devised a theory that he was dead and she was taking care of his corpse so as to never have to say goodbye.
It was another driver who did it first, but we all followed suit fast enough. When she would tell us to come in, we flatly refused and explained that it was an insurance thing. At first, she would say things like, "Oh, I trust you boys" and such, and I think I finally just stated that it didn't matter since we couldn't trust her. Then, I knocked on the door about two weeks after we boycotted stepping foot in their house. I about fell over when there before me was the man who we all thought was dead standing at the door. He seemed pretty irritated about the fact that we would no longer go into his house, but we all stuck by our story. Even Joe corroborated the story when she placed their order once.
I mean, really, if all I'm getting is one dollar, I see no reason to go all the way to delivering your food to your damned dinning room table!
Sunday, July 10, 2011
I want a sandwich!
Once upon a time... or one time at the bar... Have you ever come home with lipstick on your neck and not realized it? It's happened to me, but it's not what you think.
See, I was working day bar one Sunday and I had to stick around into the evening because the afternoon tender was sick. I had worked a 12 hour day, and I was ready to head home when I was asked to have a drink with this couple. They were regulars, swingers and responsible about their drinking. They swapped back and forth as to who could drink so that one of them would remain sober to drive home at the end of the night. Well, this was her night to drink.
I had a drink with them and headed home. Just before I left, she asked me to hang with them by throwing her arms around me and when I declined, she kissed my neck and said her good-bye. (Now I am pretty sure her husband knew I had her lipstick on my neck and just didn't tell me.) So, I didn't think about it until I got home, sat down next to my girlfriend. She noticed immediately that I had some red marks on my neck.
I rubbed my hand on my neck and said, "Oh it must be -----'s lipstick." Oh, that was not how I should have explained that. It took a while to explain who the couple were, and even after my girlfriend was pretty pissed about the whole thing.
About a month later, she finally met the girl who kissed my neck and they became fast friends. Funny how it all worked out, but my advice is to not giggle when explaining why you have lipstick on your neck!
See, I was working day bar one Sunday and I had to stick around into the evening because the afternoon tender was sick. I had worked a 12 hour day, and I was ready to head home when I was asked to have a drink with this couple. They were regulars, swingers and responsible about their drinking. They swapped back and forth as to who could drink so that one of them would remain sober to drive home at the end of the night. Well, this was her night to drink.
I had a drink with them and headed home. Just before I left, she asked me to hang with them by throwing her arms around me and when I declined, she kissed my neck and said her good-bye. (Now I am pretty sure her husband knew I had her lipstick on my neck and just didn't tell me.) So, I didn't think about it until I got home, sat down next to my girlfriend. She noticed immediately that I had some red marks on my neck.
I rubbed my hand on my neck and said, "Oh it must be -----'s lipstick." Oh, that was not how I should have explained that. It took a while to explain who the couple were, and even after my girlfriend was pretty pissed about the whole thing.
About a month later, she finally met the girl who kissed my neck and they became fast friends. Funny how it all worked out, but my advice is to not giggle when explaining why you have lipstick on your neck!
Friday, July 08, 2011
Thinking about titties...
I don't know how many of you are in a relationship with someone, but let me tell you that it sucks after a while no matter how good it is to start with. The problem is, when it's all new it's like a shiny new car. New face, new body, new things to diddle with... but it eventually just becomes the same after a while. I mean, there's things you can do to add some fun to it now and again, but even that can draw out to just being another routine. After a while, you just roll over and fuck because you just want to have sex. If and when you climax, you feel good about it, but it's nothing like the original conquest.
Don't get me wrong, i'm not saying that you find your partner any less attractive. It doesn't matter how sexy you find your partner, they are still the same person time and time again. Of course, this can be good in some ways. It's like a baseball glove you've had for years that just fits so well and feels good to put around your flesh... um, you get what I mean.
The biggest downfall of getting familiar with your partner is that there is less desire to fuck like rabbits any time you get. I mean, I remember a time when me and mine would have sex any chance we could, day or night. Hell, four in the morning was fun, too! Now if I tried to wake her up at 4 am, I get yelled at because sleep has become much more important than orgasms.
Don't get me wrong, i'm not saying that you find your partner any less attractive. It doesn't matter how sexy you find your partner, they are still the same person time and time again. Of course, this can be good in some ways. It's like a baseball glove you've had for years that just fits so well and feels good to put around your flesh... um, you get what I mean.
The biggest downfall of getting familiar with your partner is that there is less desire to fuck like rabbits any time you get. I mean, I remember a time when me and mine would have sex any chance we could, day or night. Hell, four in the morning was fun, too! Now if I tried to wake her up at 4 am, I get yelled at because sleep has become much more important than orgasms.
Thursday, July 07, 2011
I was seriously going to get shit done... but...
I was turned on to this stupid puzzle game online yesterday and totally got sidetracked and did absolutely squat yesterday. But not today... just one or two tries and I am working. I swear.
Okay, so i was thinking about plugging in my old studio stuff to work on some new music... not that I have any time to do that with my life, writing, porn, web comics, acting, sewing, and everything else, but I really miss that feeling sometimes! You know, the first show I ever played was in my basement with my friends in a band long forgotten called Carmilla's Dress. I did a really horrible solo project that was shit, and I pretended it was good. Well, sorry, I lied and I knew it. It was utter shit. In fact, my shit didn't start sounding decent until about 3 years later when I wised up and spent the cash for some digital recording equipment and a new keyboard. Then it got better.
But that was so long ago. I keep telling myself to just start with the guitar and keys and go from there. I mean, at this point I would need to buy a new drum machine... That reminds me of a show we played... okay, enough about that. I'm going to play a round or two of this game and then eat and then work on shit!
Okay, so i was thinking about plugging in my old studio stuff to work on some new music... not that I have any time to do that with my life, writing, porn, web comics, acting, sewing, and everything else, but I really miss that feeling sometimes! You know, the first show I ever played was in my basement with my friends in a band long forgotten called Carmilla's Dress. I did a really horrible solo project that was shit, and I pretended it was good. Well, sorry, I lied and I knew it. It was utter shit. In fact, my shit didn't start sounding decent until about 3 years later when I wised up and spent the cash for some digital recording equipment and a new keyboard. Then it got better.
But that was so long ago. I keep telling myself to just start with the guitar and keys and go from there. I mean, at this point I would need to buy a new drum machine... That reminds me of a show we played... okay, enough about that. I'm going to play a round or two of this game and then eat and then work on shit!
Wednesday, July 06, 2011
And another one bites the dust-mite...
I need to kick my ass into gear with shit. I've become very unproductive in the past few months, and that shit has to stop. But first, I need breakfast.
You know, I wasn't always the great chef that I am today. At one point, I struggled to make a decent bowl and mac & cheese. I misread the directions and made it into soup because I added way to much milk. And another time I was going to make spaghetti for my dad after school when I was exiled to his apartment for the second half of the year of seventh grade, and it turned out pretty bad. See, i thought he was supposed to be home by 5, so I started making the noddles by 4 just so I would have enough time to cook them. well, by the time he got home, these noodles were pretty much a pile of mush. I figured I would keep them in hot water so they wouldn't get cold and dry out. Yeah, we got pizza or something then.
But, as Oscar Wilde said: "Experience is the name we give our mistakes." I learned much from those incidents. I have had many since and have learned much from them as well.
It got to this point where I was learning how to cook things like stews and chili. I would start out with a small pan, move to a bigger one and just kept adding to it until I had to use the largest pot in the pantry. Again, I've learned since then and haven't done that in a while. But still, I made some good shit back then.
And don't get me wrong, I'm still learning. I'm still working on how to make the perfect pie crust and so on. And some day I would like to make a pizza crust and bread worth of Joe. But until then, I keep learning.
Okay, now I really want some breakfast!
Better Than Eating Out (Pink Tacos Not Included (huh? so I just found my cookbook on amazon.com for $130... that can't be right... need to look into this. If you want it, it's only about $6 on the Lulu site!)
You know, I wasn't always the great chef that I am today. At one point, I struggled to make a decent bowl and mac & cheese. I misread the directions and made it into soup because I added way to much milk. And another time I was going to make spaghetti for my dad after school when I was exiled to his apartment for the second half of the year of seventh grade, and it turned out pretty bad. See, i thought he was supposed to be home by 5, so I started making the noddles by 4 just so I would have enough time to cook them. well, by the time he got home, these noodles were pretty much a pile of mush. I figured I would keep them in hot water so they wouldn't get cold and dry out. Yeah, we got pizza or something then.
But, as Oscar Wilde said: "Experience is the name we give our mistakes." I learned much from those incidents. I have had many since and have learned much from them as well.
It got to this point where I was learning how to cook things like stews and chili. I would start out with a small pan, move to a bigger one and just kept adding to it until I had to use the largest pot in the pantry. Again, I've learned since then and haven't done that in a while. But still, I made some good shit back then.
And don't get me wrong, I'm still learning. I'm still working on how to make the perfect pie crust and so on. And some day I would like to make a pizza crust and bread worth of Joe. But until then, I keep learning.
Okay, now I really want some breakfast!
Better Than Eating Out (Pink Tacos Not Included (huh? so I just found my cookbook on amazon.com for $130... that can't be right... need to look into this. If you want it, it's only about $6 on the Lulu site!)
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
I want more money!
Okay, so here I am with thoughts still in my head of my dreams this morning. It's funny what your subconscious will deem as an acceptable thing when you know in real life you would never actually do it. For me, it's often violence or sex. Like the dreams where I go after a person with an iron rod and beat them to a bloody pulp... I probably wouldn't do that in real life. Or have sex with ex's from so long ago... again, probably not going to happen in reality.
Of course, to be fair, I'm also unlikely to try to parachute from a moving bus because I need to find the fried chicken that my pet walrus left under the rock where the gnome ate his lunch with me.
But enough about fucked up dreams...
it's time to plug me!
If you keep reading this blog, as it seems a few people are, please check out the other shit I do! I've got a lot more fun shit online to check out for free. You can start by going to my website and checking it all out from there! And if you really like what you see, you can maybe thing about getting one of my books from Lulu.com! Or, you could just simply follow a suggested item from Amazon.com that I post (because I genuinely like what I post, I'm not just filling space and hoping some asshole will want it randomly to make money. most of the time, I actually own the items I post.)
Okay, that's all for now. And as a reward for reading all the way to the end of this, I will do a little dance and tell you about this porno I watched... no, just the dance.
Of course, to be fair, I'm also unlikely to try to parachute from a moving bus because I need to find the fried chicken that my pet walrus left under the rock where the gnome ate his lunch with me.
But enough about fucked up dreams...
it's time to plug me!
If you keep reading this blog, as it seems a few people are, please check out the other shit I do! I've got a lot more fun shit online to check out for free. You can start by going to my website and checking it all out from there! And if you really like what you see, you can maybe thing about getting one of my books from Lulu.com! Or, you could just simply follow a suggested item from Amazon.com that I post (because I genuinely like what I post, I'm not just filling space and hoping some asshole will want it randomly to make money. most of the time, I actually own the items I post.)
Okay, that's all for now. And as a reward for reading all the way to the end of this, I will do a little dance and tell you about this porno I watched... no, just the dance.
Sunday, June 26, 2011
I want more scrapple!
In recent times, I have been in contact with a friend of mine that I've not spoken to in ages. At one point in time, we played shows together, but I have given up the music years ago for a chance to become a nationally published author. But now I am nationally published... and in our recent conversations he has voiced that he would love to see me get back into a band.
I must admit that this is a pleasing thought...
But it can never be the same like years before. When I was in my music days, I was also in my club phase. I was going to at least 2 clubs a week. I have to admit that I loved the clubs. The kids were fun, and the fashion was ridiculous but sexy. I really miss the girls who were still looking good in their skin tight torn skirts and fishnet apparel. There was a girl who used to where a fishnet top with electrical tape over her nipples. There was cleavage and black lips. Eyes like cats and legs that you just wanted to lick the salty sweat from...
um... yeah, I miss those days. The best part of it all was the after club experience. This was the trip to some overnight diner to get some food and relax after a night of dancing like goobers. Only, after a long night of moving and sweating, the white foundation and black eyeliner has run and worn leaving us all looking like black and white clowns. the sexiness became a desperate realization that it was all a facade and we were all going home with only who we came with... ourselves.
But there was no regret or fear since there was always going to be another week. Until one week, there wasn't another week.
But I'll never forget...
I must admit that this is a pleasing thought...
But it can never be the same like years before. When I was in my music days, I was also in my club phase. I was going to at least 2 clubs a week. I have to admit that I loved the clubs. The kids were fun, and the fashion was ridiculous but sexy. I really miss the girls who were still looking good in their skin tight torn skirts and fishnet apparel. There was a girl who used to where a fishnet top with electrical tape over her nipples. There was cleavage and black lips. Eyes like cats and legs that you just wanted to lick the salty sweat from...
um... yeah, I miss those days. The best part of it all was the after club experience. This was the trip to some overnight diner to get some food and relax after a night of dancing like goobers. Only, after a long night of moving and sweating, the white foundation and black eyeliner has run and worn leaving us all looking like black and white clowns. the sexiness became a desperate realization that it was all a facade and we were all going home with only who we came with... ourselves.
But there was no regret or fear since there was always going to be another week. Until one week, there wasn't another week.
But I'll never forget...
Wednesday, June 15, 2011
i want to sell you something!
I feel like taking a swim in a pool that I once enjoyed. I often wonder if it's been filled in with dirt as of yet.
Okay, so I have this to say about living so close to the fire department: it sucks. Really, the only time it would be of any use is if there was a fire in the building I lived in. Aside from that, there's really not much point. Every day about five times a day, the fire engine is rolling by with lights and sirens blazing. You know what the best part about this is? There's usually no fire!
Our fire department sends out two trucks, minimum, for every single car crash there is. Even if it's just a little bumper bang, once 911 is called the firetrucks head out. Now, I try to understand this. For the most part, should a car be in an accident that would warrant a fire truck to be there, I can understand sending a couple. But the other day, some idiot crashed into and took out a sign marking the entrance to a fast food joint. As I drove by, I thought the building had begun going up into flames. Around the building were 2 fire trucks, four police vehicles, an ambulance, and three privately owned vehicles with lights designating that they were "fire police."
I wonder often how much of our tax money is wasted on fuel bills for these things?
Okay, so I have this to say about living so close to the fire department: it sucks. Really, the only time it would be of any use is if there was a fire in the building I lived in. Aside from that, there's really not much point. Every day about five times a day, the fire engine is rolling by with lights and sirens blazing. You know what the best part about this is? There's usually no fire!
Our fire department sends out two trucks, minimum, for every single car crash there is. Even if it's just a little bumper bang, once 911 is called the firetrucks head out. Now, I try to understand this. For the most part, should a car be in an accident that would warrant a fire truck to be there, I can understand sending a couple. But the other day, some idiot crashed into and took out a sign marking the entrance to a fast food joint. As I drove by, I thought the building had begun going up into flames. Around the building were 2 fire trucks, four police vehicles, an ambulance, and three privately owned vehicles with lights designating that they were "fire police."
I wonder often how much of our tax money is wasted on fuel bills for these things?
Sunday, June 12, 2011
Oh, please never again!
I was thinking today about the worst vacations I've ever had. I've had some doozies, and I will admit that a couple were my fault. But the worst vacation ever us the dumbest idea ever! It was the one I took just after my wife and I split up. I had left and we had already paid for the hotel for the week some time before, so she convinced me to go...
So, I should have said forget it. I really should have. The whole time, she tried to "make things work out" between us even though it was obvious that we had long passed that point in our relationship. But the kicker was the night when I refused sex and mentioned that it was a bad idea. She asked if I was seeing someone, and I answered honestly. At that point she threatened to throw me off the balcony and a variety of other things.
It was the most insane experience ever! Never again!
So, words of advice: just don't do it! If you break up with someone after a long time, just end it then and there as cleanly as possible. Lie often to keep her from going insane when together... just a mess otherwise.
So, I should have said forget it. I really should have. The whole time, she tried to "make things work out" between us even though it was obvious that we had long passed that point in our relationship. But the kicker was the night when I refused sex and mentioned that it was a bad idea. She asked if I was seeing someone, and I answered honestly. At that point she threatened to throw me off the balcony and a variety of other things.
It was the most insane experience ever! Never again!
So, words of advice: just don't do it! If you break up with someone after a long time, just end it then and there as cleanly as possible. Lie often to keep her from going insane when together... just a mess otherwise.
Monday, June 06, 2011
My spider plant has flowers...
Who knew? I didn't.
As I look back on my life, as I sometimes do, I usually start with the things I wish I had done. Often this is more like a collection of people I wish I had done. I think now and again about this one girl in particular that I turned down for the simple reason of her openness with her sexual conquests. But then again, most of the girls at the time that I knew were of the similar philosophy.
There was a night when I offered to take her home... I seem to recall another night a week or two before that night, when she offered to give me a blow job since the only girl I had been with up to that point wasn't into that. I declined. But it was the first thing on my mind when she got into my car after a night at the club. The plan changed from driving her home that night to waiting for the following day to take her to her mother's work. So she was going to stay with me that night.
I lived in the basement at my mother's house at this time, and there was this long outdoor couch in my room then. She tried to entice me into a bit of the ol' in-n-out... but I was not really wanting to because I was terrified what I may get having sex with her. Instead, we fell asleep on each other on the sofa. I think we kissed a couple of times, and I remember really wanting to... but....
Well, years later, I happened upon her on the Facebook, and though we did not become friends, she joined the group in support of my first nationally published book. I clicked to check out her profile, and wow! There were a couple of pics of her in some rather erotic clothes, and I suddenly regretted deeply that I passed up the opportunity to have some fun with her back in the day. Damn is she still sexy! Oh, well.
Well, life happens and passes... enjoy it while your there!
As I look back on my life, as I sometimes do, I usually start with the things I wish I had done. Often this is more like a collection of people I wish I had done. I think now and again about this one girl in particular that I turned down for the simple reason of her openness with her sexual conquests. But then again, most of the girls at the time that I knew were of the similar philosophy.
There was a night when I offered to take her home... I seem to recall another night a week or two before that night, when she offered to give me a blow job since the only girl I had been with up to that point wasn't into that. I declined. But it was the first thing on my mind when she got into my car after a night at the club. The plan changed from driving her home that night to waiting for the following day to take her to her mother's work. So she was going to stay with me that night.
I lived in the basement at my mother's house at this time, and there was this long outdoor couch in my room then. She tried to entice me into a bit of the ol' in-n-out... but I was not really wanting to because I was terrified what I may get having sex with her. Instead, we fell asleep on each other on the sofa. I think we kissed a couple of times, and I remember really wanting to... but....
Well, years later, I happened upon her on the Facebook, and though we did not become friends, she joined the group in support of my first nationally published book. I clicked to check out her profile, and wow! There were a couple of pics of her in some rather erotic clothes, and I suddenly regretted deeply that I passed up the opportunity to have some fun with her back in the day. Damn is she still sexy! Oh, well.
Well, life happens and passes... enjoy it while your there!
Thursday, June 02, 2011
I think I forgot...
It's funny how busy things have been for me the past couple of weeks. And yet, I have to admit that much of the busy has been reading online comics. The issue is that I find a new one now and again that interests me, and I go to the beginning and read the whole thing to catch up. Unfortunately, as of late, I have been trying to catch up on about six of them. It becomes a vacuum of time...
Besides the web-comics, I've been reacquainting myself to a social life. Believe it or not, I actually spend a good part of last weekend not here at my computer. And, because of that, I got to hang with some cool people, and hang with half naked women around a fire.
Ah... how I've missed the half naked women! Of course, when you have a couple of guys who get naked, it's pretty easy to convince the girls to start taking their shirts off.
Well, that was my weekend. Worked out pretty nice. Got drunk, saw tits, and got laid. I need to be more social, I'm thinking.
Besides the web-comics, I've been reacquainting myself to a social life. Believe it or not, I actually spend a good part of last weekend not here at my computer. And, because of that, I got to hang with some cool people, and hang with half naked women around a fire.
Ah... how I've missed the half naked women! Of course, when you have a couple of guys who get naked, it's pretty easy to convince the girls to start taking their shirts off.
Well, that was my weekend. Worked out pretty nice. Got drunk, saw tits, and got laid. I need to be more social, I'm thinking.
Monday, May 23, 2011
Oh, the hippies and their guitars...
Ages upon ages ago, I went to a concert with my father for the very first time in my life. It was awesome and huge, and I watched Jethro Tull for the first time in my life! I had found an addiction that I have to say I fell in love with!
As soon as I was able, I was attending as many musical events as I could. I would go see metal bands and punk shows, and anything that I dug that I could get to. When I started driving, it obviously made things a little easier for me. There is an energy to live music that I wanted so desperately to be part of. I finally started working on writing my own shit after playing keyboards for a band when I was in high school. It wasn't much, but it was mine.
The problem was, I am very creative in my head, but I have always lacked a certain talent with musical instruments to properly articulate what I really wanted to do. I improved a lot from the start, but eventually had to admit that it was a fun hobby that was never going to get me anywhere. I needed to make a decision to focus on something that I was good at. I gave up the music and focused on my writing.
I miss it, but I realized these past few weeks that I missed just going out to the shows and enjoying the music. I used to go to at least 2 clubs a week just to dance, and then I would see live shows when they came around. But I seem to have lost that. Now, I find myself really wanting to get out there again and live it again!
I have an old friend to thank for this... and so, here's his CD for his band... He does the guitar work and is amazing at it! I strongly endorse this band and I hope you will at least check them out... if it;s your thing. Because seriously, some people just don't dig music this intense!
As soon as I was able, I was attending as many musical events as I could. I would go see metal bands and punk shows, and anything that I dug that I could get to. When I started driving, it obviously made things a little easier for me. There is an energy to live music that I wanted so desperately to be part of. I finally started working on writing my own shit after playing keyboards for a band when I was in high school. It wasn't much, but it was mine.
The problem was, I am very creative in my head, but I have always lacked a certain talent with musical instruments to properly articulate what I really wanted to do. I improved a lot from the start, but eventually had to admit that it was a fun hobby that was never going to get me anywhere. I needed to make a decision to focus on something that I was good at. I gave up the music and focused on my writing.
I miss it, but I realized these past few weeks that I missed just going out to the shows and enjoying the music. I used to go to at least 2 clubs a week just to dance, and then I would see live shows when they came around. But I seem to have lost that. Now, I find myself really wanting to get out there again and live it again!
I have an old friend to thank for this... and so, here's his CD for his band... He does the guitar work and is amazing at it! I strongly endorse this band and I hope you will at least check them out... if it;s your thing. Because seriously, some people just don't dig music this intense!
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Ahhh, the first time...
What do you think about when you think about the first time you ever had sex? I remember clearly all the things I thought about then. It was late, it was a chick I just met, she was drinking, I had a condom given to me by her sister in law, and The Wall was playing in the background.
I was actually in love with this other girl who I was so infatuated with that I had no idea what to do about it. I wasn't sure if the other girl felt quit as I did, but the couple of evenings that seemed to be so brief but so intense kissing in the corner of her room were all I could think of... well, and the fact that I totally fucked it all up by wanting to much too fast...
And so, there I was, in this attic space with this chick I had just met who I was informed by her brother's wife was a "Sure thing" for me. And she was.
As Pink Floyd played through the air and I found myself in the tangled of inexperienced sex, I had so many thoughts in my head. Thoughts like: "I've finally done it!" "So this is what it feels like?" "Oh how I love tits!" and "I should have taken my boots off." I had sex with the same chick two more times the next day, and I had my boots off for those... I have to say that the second time on the couch was awesome!
After we were done having sex on the couch, we turned on the TV and found out what the world was finding out... Kurt Cobain had been found dead... and so, I have a clear date to remember of the first time I finally had sex, the top goal in my life since I was nine and figured out that it was a thing people did!
I was actually in love with this other girl who I was so infatuated with that I had no idea what to do about it. I wasn't sure if the other girl felt quit as I did, but the couple of evenings that seemed to be so brief but so intense kissing in the corner of her room were all I could think of... well, and the fact that I totally fucked it all up by wanting to much too fast...
And so, there I was, in this attic space with this chick I had just met who I was informed by her brother's wife was a "Sure thing" for me. And she was.
As Pink Floyd played through the air and I found myself in the tangled of inexperienced sex, I had so many thoughts in my head. Thoughts like: "I've finally done it!" "So this is what it feels like?" "Oh how I love tits!" and "I should have taken my boots off." I had sex with the same chick two more times the next day, and I had my boots off for those... I have to say that the second time on the couch was awesome!
After we were done having sex on the couch, we turned on the TV and found out what the world was finding out... Kurt Cobain had been found dead... and so, I have a clear date to remember of the first time I finally had sex, the top goal in my life since I was nine and figured out that it was a thing people did!
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Dead fish...
I have, on occasion been known to keep one or two of the nicer looking feeder fish from the fate of becoming my turtle's dinner to keep them in a tank as pets for a while. These fish are simple little gold fish that have nothing really fancy about them, and are often not very long lived fish. They are often used at the cheep carnival games as give aways if you manage to get a ping-pong ball into a small fish bowl.
These feeder fish cost about 2-3 dollars a dozen, if that. At the cheep carnival fish bowl game, it costs about $5 for about 25-30 balls. Out of that, if you're really lucky, you may get one or two fish. My wife loves to play this game, and often will spend about 20-30 dollars at a time to get about 4 or 5 fish. I would love to imagine that this is due to her love of playing the game, but in all honesty she just wants the fish.
Now, I love playing skee-ball and collecting the tickets to get the silly prize when I'm done. I understand that i could buy the little stuffed crab at the little shop two doors down on the boardwalk for about three bucks, and I played at least $10 worth of skee-ball to collect enough tickets to get the crab, but I like playing skee-ball, and the prize is just a bonus in the end. But if I just wanted the crab, I would just buy it. And every time we take home six more fish for 30 bucks, I just grit my teeth and sigh, because it was all about the fish.
These feeder fish cost about 2-3 dollars a dozen, if that. At the cheep carnival fish bowl game, it costs about $5 for about 25-30 balls. Out of that, if you're really lucky, you may get one or two fish. My wife loves to play this game, and often will spend about 20-30 dollars at a time to get about 4 or 5 fish. I would love to imagine that this is due to her love of playing the game, but in all honesty she just wants the fish.
Now, I love playing skee-ball and collecting the tickets to get the silly prize when I'm done. I understand that i could buy the little stuffed crab at the little shop two doors down on the boardwalk for about three bucks, and I played at least $10 worth of skee-ball to collect enough tickets to get the crab, but I like playing skee-ball, and the prize is just a bonus in the end. But if I just wanted the crab, I would just buy it. And every time we take home six more fish for 30 bucks, I just grit my teeth and sigh, because it was all about the fish.
Monday, May 09, 2011
Ahhh... the memory lapses...
When I was about 12-13 ish, I fell into a bad crowd of born again Christian peoples. Well, it wasn't all that bad, but it took a few years to get back to normal without feeling bad about it. But one really good thing came out of knowing these poeple... Circle of Dust.
If you have never heard of Celldweller... I understand. You have likely heard some of his work, regardless, and not have known it. He does a lot for movie trailers, video games and such. but way back in the day, the man who is Celldweller, Klayton had long hair and did a project called Circle of Dust. I saw him perform live when I was about 15. (it was also my first experience stage diving!) The show was amazing, and it changed the way I thought about music for my life.
As I said, I had first heard of Circle of Dust because I was in with this Christian crowd. Originally, Circle of Dust was a Christian band. As for now, who knows about what Klayton's current religious affiliation is. I turned out to be a normal atheist, so who knows where he is now. (Listen to one of my favorite Original Circle of Dust songs HERE!)
I mention this because I went to see Celldweller just this past weekend, and I felt so alive being there to hear and see the music I have loved for so long.
The first time I saw Circle I was invited by this guy who I couldn't stand, but I really wanted to see the show. It was worth it! The second time was worth it as well. Oh, and here's some Celldweller for you!
If you have never heard of Celldweller... I understand. You have likely heard some of his work, regardless, and not have known it. He does a lot for movie trailers, video games and such. but way back in the day, the man who is Celldweller, Klayton had long hair and did a project called Circle of Dust. I saw him perform live when I was about 15. (it was also my first experience stage diving!) The show was amazing, and it changed the way I thought about music for my life.
As I said, I had first heard of Circle of Dust because I was in with this Christian crowd. Originally, Circle of Dust was a Christian band. As for now, who knows about what Klayton's current religious affiliation is. I turned out to be a normal atheist, so who knows where he is now. (Listen to one of my favorite Original Circle of Dust songs HERE!)
I mention this because I went to see Celldweller just this past weekend, and I felt so alive being there to hear and see the music I have loved for so long.
The first time I saw Circle I was invited by this guy who I couldn't stand, but I really wanted to see the show. It was worth it! The second time was worth it as well. Oh, and here's some Celldweller for you!
Sunday, May 08, 2011
Today is Sundae
I think I realized that one of the best jobs I ever had was delivering pizza. Really, the schedule was set in stone, I had 2 days off a week, and on alternate Friday or Saturday night I was done by 9pm. It was great. And there was so much shit that happened that's worth talking about. (like the dead guy who watched wheel of fortune)
There was one Friday night that I had to work late, and I got a delivery for just up the street. I headed to the deliver address and knocked on the screen door. Some guy was sitting, visible to me, on a chair watching ESPN or some such shit, and it was loud so I figured he just hadn't heard me. I knocked again, louder. I shouted, "Hello!" Finally, he moved. Or more appropriately: jerked to life and spilled the beer he had in his hand all over the floor. The guy was not just drunk, he was unable to actually stand up.
So I watched this guy try to stand, fall sideways onto the floor. He crawled on his stomach to get to the door, and finally leaned himself in the open doorway. He muttered something and I figured he was asking how much. I told him, once, twice and perhaps up to five times before he finally just opened his wallet, handed me a five and a ten. I took the money, handed him the bag with the sub and fries, and left him there in the door. I was pretty sure he probably spent the night there and doubted he would touch the food since he seemed barely able to stay conscious.
Best part was, it was a slower night, and the order was out in less that 20 minutes, so I could only imagine how he managed to even order the food.
There was one Friday night that I had to work late, and I got a delivery for just up the street. I headed to the deliver address and knocked on the screen door. Some guy was sitting, visible to me, on a chair watching ESPN or some such shit, and it was loud so I figured he just hadn't heard me. I knocked again, louder. I shouted, "Hello!" Finally, he moved. Or more appropriately: jerked to life and spilled the beer he had in his hand all over the floor. The guy was not just drunk, he was unable to actually stand up.
So I watched this guy try to stand, fall sideways onto the floor. He crawled on his stomach to get to the door, and finally leaned himself in the open doorway. He muttered something and I figured he was asking how much. I told him, once, twice and perhaps up to five times before he finally just opened his wallet, handed me a five and a ten. I took the money, handed him the bag with the sub and fries, and left him there in the door. I was pretty sure he probably spent the night there and doubted he would touch the food since he seemed barely able to stay conscious.
Best part was, it was a slower night, and the order was out in less that 20 minutes, so I could only imagine how he managed to even order the food.
Wednesday, May 04, 2011
it's not writer's block...
I need to make some tea... no reason... just feel like a cup of tea.
I've been in this rut where I would rather watch porn that do any work. I suppose this is probably just a natural reaction to life. I mean, how many people try to learn guitar or drums so they don't have to work for the rest of their lives. Not that being in a band isn't a fair amount of work at times. Or it could mean no work, but that really gets you nowhere.
And that's really about how everything is. I would love to just not work, but unfortunately I need to do a fair amount of work first before I can just not work. I need to get something big going in motion to be my money maker before I can sit back and enjoy the money. Sadly, as I sit here writing this, I can't help but think about how much I would just love to pour a drink for myself and watch porn...
guess I should get work done...
I've been in this rut where I would rather watch porn that do any work. I suppose this is probably just a natural reaction to life. I mean, how many people try to learn guitar or drums so they don't have to work for the rest of their lives. Not that being in a band isn't a fair amount of work at times. Or it could mean no work, but that really gets you nowhere.
And that's really about how everything is. I would love to just not work, but unfortunately I need to do a fair amount of work first before I can just not work. I need to get something big going in motion to be my money maker before I can sit back and enjoy the money. Sadly, as I sit here writing this, I can't help but think about how much I would just love to pour a drink for myself and watch porn...
guess I should get work done...
Tuesday, May 03, 2011
been in a funk...
So, I need to get my ass in gear and start working on shit again. As if I wasn't inspired as of late to really get any serious work done, I've recently had a loss in the sense that my father died last week. I feel there is little I can do about this since he lived in Arizona and that is where the memorial services will be held. There is no way for me to make it out there, so here I sit feeling a little useless about it all.
So... I have decided that since there is nothing I can do about it, then I'll not think about not being able to do nothing about it. Instead, I will immerse myself in some work. I have a new webcomic that I just started that you can check out HERE! And don't forget to support me by not just reading my online work but checking out my work for sale HERE!
Okay, that was my "plug my work" post for the month. Thanks for reading!
So... I have decided that since there is nothing I can do about it, then I'll not think about not being able to do nothing about it. Instead, I will immerse myself in some work. I have a new webcomic that I just started that you can check out HERE! And don't forget to support me by not just reading my online work but checking out my work for sale HERE!
Okay, that was my "plug my work" post for the month. Thanks for reading!
Thursday, April 28, 2011
Marshmallows...
At what point in my life can I just outwardly be a dirty old man and it becomes okay because I've become too old to be offensive? I wonder about this perhaps more often that I should, but it's just something I think about a lot.
You know what else I think about? Why do I get yelled at for noticing my wife's erect nipples when it's cold out, but if I notice another woman's, it's okay. I mean, I don't announce these things in public when I see them. But if I point out to my wife that she "must be cold" I get this attitude like I'm trying to solicit sex in the most vulgar and inopportune moment.
Of course, let's be honest, I do try to get sex in the most inopportune moments. It's like Jay when he is ready to drop his pants because the chick said she would have sex with him if they were about to die... what guy wouldn't take advantage of the situation... I think I've strayed somewhere... oh well.
Of course, now it's getting warm and I have to look forward to light shirts, sudden cloudbursts and retail AC.
You know what else I think about? Why do I get yelled at for noticing my wife's erect nipples when it's cold out, but if I notice another woman's, it's okay. I mean, I don't announce these things in public when I see them. But if I point out to my wife that she "must be cold" I get this attitude like I'm trying to solicit sex in the most vulgar and inopportune moment.
Of course, let's be honest, I do try to get sex in the most inopportune moments. It's like Jay when he is ready to drop his pants because the chick said she would have sex with him if they were about to die... what guy wouldn't take advantage of the situation... I think I've strayed somewhere... oh well.
Of course, now it's getting warm and I have to look forward to light shirts, sudden cloudbursts and retail AC.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
small consesions
Ever have one of those nights where you just start thinking about all the porn you've ever seen and wonder how much more you will miss before you're dead. I try to get in as much as possible. And the best part about the internet these days is I pay absolutely nothing for all the porn I watch, and I never watch the same thing twice. But I start to wonder as I look at all the ads that pay for the free stuff what I will miss because I don't pay for my porn.
I mean, the stuff I watch is free because it's the videos that advertise for the newest stuff on the sites of the production companies out there. Most of the videos are full scenes, but they were filmed at least 5 years ago. And while you're watching it, there is always the banner or pre-vid ad that shows you the latest and hottest shit they have that you do have to pay for.
I suppose it's like hand me down clothes. It still fits, looks nice, and is still in good condition, but it might not be what's exactly in style this year. But then again, I never cared much for style after a certain age and just wear what I like. I mean, honestly, most of my clothes I buy at goodwill. So I guess with that in mind, I have no problem not buying my porn, as it's the goodwill of porn and it still gets me off in the end.
I mean, the stuff I watch is free because it's the videos that advertise for the newest stuff on the sites of the production companies out there. Most of the videos are full scenes, but they were filmed at least 5 years ago. And while you're watching it, there is always the banner or pre-vid ad that shows you the latest and hottest shit they have that you do have to pay for.
I suppose it's like hand me down clothes. It still fits, looks nice, and is still in good condition, but it might not be what's exactly in style this year. But then again, I never cared much for style after a certain age and just wear what I like. I mean, honestly, most of my clothes I buy at goodwill. So I guess with that in mind, I have no problem not buying my porn, as it's the goodwill of porn and it still gets me off in the end.
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Frying Brains...
I am a huge fan of zombie movies. Sometimes I like to just get a whole bunch of the original "living dead" movies and just veg out with beer and snacks and watch the zombies take over. In fact, there was a point I was watching every one I could get my hands on, and my ex-wife forbade me to get any more movies with the word "dead" in the title. Now, I can't be certain, but I'm pretty sure it was after we watched "dead alive."
Of course, there's nothing better than watching a zombie movie with hot naked women zombies. Unfortunately, quality T&A zombie movies are hard to come by, but I will say that the original "return of the... 3" was the first and still my favorite. Not only because she's hot and gets naked, but because she inflicts pain on herself to keep the hunger away... and I love watching people in pain... (sadist, you know)
As I think back to these movies, I wonder how many other people have had sex watching a zombie flick... and found it hard not to be more interested in the movie than the sex?
Of course, there's nothing better than watching a zombie movie with hot naked women zombies. Unfortunately, quality T&A zombie movies are hard to come by, but I will say that the original "return of the... 3" was the first and still my favorite. Not only because she's hot and gets naked, but because she inflicts pain on herself to keep the hunger away... and I love watching people in pain... (sadist, you know)
As I think back to these movies, I wonder how many other people have had sex watching a zombie flick... and found it hard not to be more interested in the movie than the sex?
Monday, April 18, 2011
It's important to remember... um?
Children and raccoons are very similar creatures. When I was young, my mother in her desire to own all kinds of creatures, wished to have a raccoon. So she bought a raccoon. It's name was Clementine. It was young when we first got it and was still drinking from a bottle. It soon got older and was into everything. Just like my kids. Those little raccoons have the most agile and nimble fingers and get into everything.
I suppose after three children and one raccoon, I have decided to never take care of another animal with opposable thumbs again!
I suppose after three children and one raccoon, I have decided to never take care of another animal with opposable thumbs again!
Friday, April 15, 2011
I like things that make me happy...
One day, I was leaving the bar I was working at when I was in the lobby, and this man passed by me with a group of people around him, and I about shit. I had to make sure, but I had just been passed by my childhood idol! That's right: Ron Jeremy was having a late dinner at the bar I worked at!
I was so excited I was bouncing up and down. I ran down the street to my apartment and grabbed a case to a video I had featuring 4 hours of Ron Jeremy. He signed it for me, and asked how I had first heard of him. I explained that I had been a fan since I was about 9 years old.
The very first porno I ever watched at a very young age had Ron Jeremy. I saw that man having sex with two hot women, and all I thought was that I was definitely going to have sex in my life. It was bliss to realize, and I loved watching people have sex. I was hooked on porn ever since.
So, I still have the video box, and I will keep it forever. I mean, I've collected a lot of autographs over the years, but that's my pride and joy!
I was so excited I was bouncing up and down. I ran down the street to my apartment and grabbed a case to a video I had featuring 4 hours of Ron Jeremy. He signed it for me, and asked how I had first heard of him. I explained that I had been a fan since I was about 9 years old.
The very first porno I ever watched at a very young age had Ron Jeremy. I saw that man having sex with two hot women, and all I thought was that I was definitely going to have sex in my life. It was bliss to realize, and I loved watching people have sex. I was hooked on porn ever since.
So, I still have the video box, and I will keep it forever. I mean, I've collected a lot of autographs over the years, but that's my pride and joy!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
Udderly fascinating idea...
So, I just realized that i was a clock that is actually a giant boob. The hands wound be on the nipple and circle around the boob. Then, you could take it to work, stay later than you need to and when some asks what you're doing, just tell them you're milking the clock!
And that was what I thought about as I had my breakfast today. yup.
And that was what I thought about as I had my breakfast today. yup.
Saturday, April 09, 2011
...always been a fan of visual stimulation...
So for over a year now, I bounced ideas around in my mind and on paper about doing a new project that i think would be fun and interesting. I've got quite a few things that I've got rolling out that I find fun and interesting, like my Porno Stories (XXX) and this blog, along with Weekly Editorials and Recipes. It seems that with all these trite things I post online, I have a small but steady following. And if you are one of those people who follow me, I say thanks! I hope I'm entertaining.
But even still, there is something I'm really interested in starting, but for one excuse or another I've put off actually doing. No longer! I've decided that I will do it! And what is it that I speak of? Well, I'll keep the details to myself right now, but by the end of April I will be launching a web comic, written and illustrated by myself. That's all I'll say for now, but I'll post more as it becomes a reality!
For now, I'm off to clean house... and then I'm a soldier... and then probably drunk...
But even still, there is something I'm really interested in starting, but for one excuse or another I've put off actually doing. No longer! I've decided that I will do it! And what is it that I speak of? Well, I'll keep the details to myself right now, but by the end of April I will be launching a web comic, written and illustrated by myself. That's all I'll say for now, but I'll post more as it becomes a reality!
For now, I'm off to clean house... and then I'm a soldier... and then probably drunk...
Friday, April 08, 2011
Bright lights in the mind
There was this guy I knew who was a douche-bag. But he was sort of a fixture among the people from the club I used to frequent since he was a bouncer there. His actual name I have forgotten, but he used to often refer to himself as "Built like a brick shit-house." I have no idea if this was supposed to make him seem cool to other people, but the phrase used to make me want to laugh. Especially since he would say it all the time. "Built like a brick shit-house."
First, define "shit-house." Did he mean a latrine? Often I would hear him utter this phrase and think, "Do you really mean latrine or outhouse?" I would envision a brick outhouse, and I would wonder what the door would be made from.
Second, why would you refer your physical attributes to a place where people defecate? For that fact, aside from the "i feel like shit," or, "I look like shit," who used any term about shit to describe themselves. Especially if you are trying to sound impressive.
I often would think how funny it would be to change it up and see if he would notice if I said, "Yup, you're built like a shit brick-house." And then I would look at this guy, who was wide shouldered, but had a guy to match whatever muscle mass he had, and I wondered if this line ever helped him get laid. I mean, he was not a pretty guy, and he was kinda big. And he wasn't big like all muscle big, so I had to wonder of this line ever worked for him.
But in the end, I have to admit that his stupid little epitaph he gave himself seemed to make some sort of sense in my mind. He wasn't a brick house, that was for sure, but the addition of shit in the description seemed to even out his bogus brag.
First, define "shit-house." Did he mean a latrine? Often I would hear him utter this phrase and think, "Do you really mean latrine or outhouse?" I would envision a brick outhouse, and I would wonder what the door would be made from.
Second, why would you refer your physical attributes to a place where people defecate? For that fact, aside from the "i feel like shit," or, "I look like shit," who used any term about shit to describe themselves. Especially if you are trying to sound impressive.
I often would think how funny it would be to change it up and see if he would notice if I said, "Yup, you're built like a shit brick-house." And then I would look at this guy, who was wide shouldered, but had a guy to match whatever muscle mass he had, and I wondered if this line ever helped him get laid. I mean, he was not a pretty guy, and he was kinda big. And he wasn't big like all muscle big, so I had to wonder of this line ever worked for him.
But in the end, I have to admit that his stupid little epitaph he gave himself seemed to make some sort of sense in my mind. He wasn't a brick house, that was for sure, but the addition of shit in the description seemed to even out his bogus brag.
Tuesday, April 05, 2011
Just observing...
I love when it gets warm and the skirts get shorter and the tops get lower. Really, I love looking at women and when it gets warmer there is more to look at and less to imagine. I mean, I still have no problem checking women out in the colder seasons as I am very fond of tits in sweaters. And there are always the poking nipple factor when it comes to the cold.
To be fair, I don't just gawk. Okay, maybe a little... but I notice other crazy shit too.
There was a guy heading into the automotive parts store dressed in a camo jacket, pants and boots. The best part was that his wallet was in his hand and it was also camo. I had to laugh. The next guy had over-alls on... and I'm sorry, but if you're not on a tractor and have mud stains all over, grown people should not wear over-alls. It's cute on children when they are small, but after a certain age, it just looks ridiculous. (Especially if they are sparkling clean!) And no one who wears these things in public are images of beauty... usually huge gut, mussed hair and look generally... well, you get the idea.
Okay, I'm gonna think about chicks in knee high boots and short jean skirts... because there are few things in the world sexier in public!
To be fair, I don't just gawk. Okay, maybe a little... but I notice other crazy shit too.
There was a guy heading into the automotive parts store dressed in a camo jacket, pants and boots. The best part was that his wallet was in his hand and it was also camo. I had to laugh. The next guy had over-alls on... and I'm sorry, but if you're not on a tractor and have mud stains all over, grown people should not wear over-alls. It's cute on children when they are small, but after a certain age, it just looks ridiculous. (Especially if they are sparkling clean!) And no one who wears these things in public are images of beauty... usually huge gut, mussed hair and look generally... well, you get the idea.
Okay, I'm gonna think about chicks in knee high boots and short jean skirts... because there are few things in the world sexier in public!
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Taking a break from the vacuum...
You know, I love this new vacuum. It's one of those bag-less wind tunnel things. Not bad, but it got clogged today and so I cleaned up the thing and washed the filter. Once it dries I'll finish the cleaning.
I moved out into an apartment when I was 18, and I never bought a vacuum for it. Never once did I vacuum the place, but I did sweep the carpet from time to time. I miss that old apartment. I mean, to be honest, there was nothing in particular that made the place anything fantastic. It was a segment of cloned blocks of apartments. I lived in the upstairs part. It was 2 bedroom, and I didn't have a room mate. (well, most of the time.) Though I had some great memories attached the the place.
I also never had a bed in the place. Actually, there was a bed. It was from the previous tenant, and it was in the room that I was going to make my studio. I kept it in there for a while, but never dressed it or used it.
There was a vibrating anal plug on the stove hood. My friend found it at our favorite little sex shop, and he bought it for me for my birthday. It was red, only about four inches long, and had a plunger on the end so you could stick it to the wall for "hands free fun!" I drove around with it on my windshield for an evening, and then suctioned it to the side of the stove hood and there it stayed for the year I was there. It was one of those things people would often miss, but when they did realize it was there, it was a great conversation piece.
I was going to start buying other strange sex toys and the get furniture to put it on, but I ended up not. I really wanted this giant dildo appropriately called "the Fist," and then I was going to buy a coffee table to put it on. The thing was about 18 inches long, and pretty scary looking. It would have been great. Never bought it. Wish I had.
I moved out into an apartment when I was 18, and I never bought a vacuum for it. Never once did I vacuum the place, but I did sweep the carpet from time to time. I miss that old apartment. I mean, to be honest, there was nothing in particular that made the place anything fantastic. It was a segment of cloned blocks of apartments. I lived in the upstairs part. It was 2 bedroom, and I didn't have a room mate. (well, most of the time.) Though I had some great memories attached the the place.
I also never had a bed in the place. Actually, there was a bed. It was from the previous tenant, and it was in the room that I was going to make my studio. I kept it in there for a while, but never dressed it or used it.
There was a vibrating anal plug on the stove hood. My friend found it at our favorite little sex shop, and he bought it for me for my birthday. It was red, only about four inches long, and had a plunger on the end so you could stick it to the wall for "hands free fun!" I drove around with it on my windshield for an evening, and then suctioned it to the side of the stove hood and there it stayed for the year I was there. It was one of those things people would often miss, but when they did realize it was there, it was a great conversation piece.
I was going to start buying other strange sex toys and the get furniture to put it on, but I ended up not. I really wanted this giant dildo appropriately called "the Fist," and then I was going to buy a coffee table to put it on. The thing was about 18 inches long, and pretty scary looking. It would have been great. Never bought it. Wish I had.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Beware the Pizza Bags
Once upon a time, I delivered pizza. It was the best job ever because I ate a slice of pizza every day for breakfast for about 2 years. Not to mention, I had no expenses but my apartment, and I made a fortune. I had so much money.
On the weekends, I would go out to the under age club that I miss terribly now. I met this girl, though not through the club, but through a friend of mine. She and I got to chatting and lets say that I thought I was in. But I've told this story before. (feb 4. 2011) You know, about the kids who wanted to use my car to have sex.
I loved that job. Unfortunately I moved away and couldn't justify driving 40 minutes a day to deliver pizza.
I ended up getting a job working at a telemarketing place. That wasn't near as fun. Though there were some good times... no, there was nothing good about it other than there was a paycheck. I mean, I met some pretty cool people, but I've not seen any of them in ages and forget most of their names.
You know, through memory warp, I have to say that one of the best jobs I ever had was delivering pizza. But it was the job I had right out of high school and my life was a lot more open than it is now. Having children and such change what makes a good job.
But in the end, I just want to get paid to do this... writing! Okay, so there's probably nothing too exciting in this one... maybe tomorrow.
On the weekends, I would go out to the under age club that I miss terribly now. I met this girl, though not through the club, but through a friend of mine. She and I got to chatting and lets say that I thought I was in. But I've told this story before. (feb 4. 2011) You know, about the kids who wanted to use my car to have sex.
I loved that job. Unfortunately I moved away and couldn't justify driving 40 minutes a day to deliver pizza.
I ended up getting a job working at a telemarketing place. That wasn't near as fun. Though there were some good times... no, there was nothing good about it other than there was a paycheck. I mean, I met some pretty cool people, but I've not seen any of them in ages and forget most of their names.
You know, through memory warp, I have to say that one of the best jobs I ever had was delivering pizza. But it was the job I had right out of high school and my life was a lot more open than it is now. Having children and such change what makes a good job.
But in the end, I just want to get paid to do this... writing! Okay, so there's probably nothing too exciting in this one... maybe tomorrow.
Thursday, March 24, 2011
Oh, the days of the boobs!
So there was this Halloween party that I was at... well, more like worked... See, this bar I worked at had this huge party for Halloween every year, and they had this big haunted house type tour. Though to be honest, it wasn't as much scary as goofy and sexy. Well, the one year, I was supposed to be a minion for the one room of vampires and ghouls and such. Also in this room was this chick that I thought was amazingly hot. (Probably because she had red hair and huge tits. Eventually I found out she was a pretty cool chick, too.)
So, the night was going fine until there was this guy who came around. Now understand that if you're a chick with tits, you make sure they are cleavaged and up for this night. This guy I speak of was a regular, and often I had seen him try to pick up chicks at the bar on normal nights. Never did I see him actually succeed, and the fact that he spoke almost no English probably had a lot to do with that. But that night, he looked at this before-mentioned chick, and started grooving and dancing with her. At first, we all thought she was into him, but then she gave us this look that simply said, "Help!"
I got urged to go cut in since I happened to be the only heterosexual male in the room that worked at the bar. So I asserted myself and cut in.
Before I go any further, I should explain that I had met this chick before and was politely declined for the offer of a date or just casual sex. This probably had to do with the fact that I was still married to my first wife at this time, even though I was looking to leave her. So when she locked lips on mine and we started the tongue tango, I have to admit that I was not only surprised but quite elated about the event.
Now the best part of the story is yet to come. The guy backed away and eventually went on his way through the rest of the tour, but as long as he stayed in the room, I got to make out with this absolutely gorgeous chick. When he finally did leave, she thanked me, said I was really nice to kiss, and we went back to being ghouls as usual.
Not twenty minutes later, the guy is back. We resumed our previous passionate kissing position, and he actually just stands beside us as though waiting for his turn. After about ten minutes, he actually tapped me on the shoulder and said, "e'cus me." It was pretty close to English, and the most English I had ever heard him speak before or since. We ignored him as he tapped on my shoulder several more times as he stood there for about 15 minutes. Again he wandered off.
Now, it was getting late and the bar would be closing in about 30 minutes. We were pretty sure the guy was finally gone... but... just as someone was coming through to tell everyone that last call had been made and the place was closing, he popped 'round again. Unfortunately, the time of tongue tangling was over, and we just left the room to where we got dressed and he could not follow.
Eventually, I became a bartender there and he would come in to the bar at least 2 to 4 times a week and try to pick up on the drunk chicks there. He never succeeded, but damn did I have a funny story about him to tell whenever he came around.
So, the night was going fine until there was this guy who came around. Now understand that if you're a chick with tits, you make sure they are cleavaged and up for this night. This guy I speak of was a regular, and often I had seen him try to pick up chicks at the bar on normal nights. Never did I see him actually succeed, and the fact that he spoke almost no English probably had a lot to do with that. But that night, he looked at this before-mentioned chick, and started grooving and dancing with her. At first, we all thought she was into him, but then she gave us this look that simply said, "Help!"
I got urged to go cut in since I happened to be the only heterosexual male in the room that worked at the bar. So I asserted myself and cut in.
Before I go any further, I should explain that I had met this chick before and was politely declined for the offer of a date or just casual sex. This probably had to do with the fact that I was still married to my first wife at this time, even though I was looking to leave her. So when she locked lips on mine and we started the tongue tango, I have to admit that I was not only surprised but quite elated about the event.
Now the best part of the story is yet to come. The guy backed away and eventually went on his way through the rest of the tour, but as long as he stayed in the room, I got to make out with this absolutely gorgeous chick. When he finally did leave, she thanked me, said I was really nice to kiss, and we went back to being ghouls as usual.
Not twenty minutes later, the guy is back. We resumed our previous passionate kissing position, and he actually just stands beside us as though waiting for his turn. After about ten minutes, he actually tapped me on the shoulder and said, "e'cus me." It was pretty close to English, and the most English I had ever heard him speak before or since. We ignored him as he tapped on my shoulder several more times as he stood there for about 15 minutes. Again he wandered off.
Now, it was getting late and the bar would be closing in about 30 minutes. We were pretty sure the guy was finally gone... but... just as someone was coming through to tell everyone that last call had been made and the place was closing, he popped 'round again. Unfortunately, the time of tongue tangling was over, and we just left the room to where we got dressed and he could not follow.
Eventually, I became a bartender there and he would come in to the bar at least 2 to 4 times a week and try to pick up on the drunk chicks there. He never succeeded, but damn did I have a funny story about him to tell whenever he came around.
Monday, March 21, 2011
Pizza every day...
As I get older, I often think back to all the silly and stupid shit that I've done or wanted to do. Sometimes I thank myself for being to lazy to do somethings... and then I slap myself for so many other things. Most of the slap me moments have to do with not taking someone up on an experience of sex.
Come to think of it, what the hell was I thinking when I was younger? I mean, I had fun. I had sex. But had I not been so hung up on all those stupid ideals of doing the right thing, then I would have said yes to so much more. But there's no use crying about it now, right. It's funny the idea that as we grow older we see the ridiculous follies of our youth.
I often wonder what I would have been like now if I had not been so hung up on stupid shit then? Would I still be the same person? Or would I have ended up being a person I would hate to be now?
Come to think of it, what the hell was I thinking when I was younger? I mean, I had fun. I had sex. But had I not been so hung up on all those stupid ideals of doing the right thing, then I would have said yes to so much more. But there's no use crying about it now, right. It's funny the idea that as we grow older we see the ridiculous follies of our youth.
I often wonder what I would have been like now if I had not been so hung up on stupid shit then? Would I still be the same person? Or would I have ended up being a person I would hate to be now?
Friday, March 18, 2011
Thinking about grilled cheese?
I think I'm going to write a piece of the wonder and beauty of the Grilled Cheese Sandwich. Hmmm...
When I was younger, I had no idea how to make food very well. The first time I made Mac&Cheese I added a cup and a 1/4 of milk because I read the directions wrong. It was soup. Sucked. But I got better through experimentations.
Life is about experimenting. Like when I was younger and went through all the things in the bathroom cabinet to figure out what was and was not flammable. Hairspray was the best! In fact, one time after that day of experimenting, I was playing with the hairspray and caught the shower curtain on fire. I got it out quick, but not before a two foot wide hole was burned away. I never fessed up to it. I told my first wife about all this and one day when visiting my mother she blabbed to my mother about it. Though I was an adult and it had been almost 10 years since that happened, I got an earful about it. Lesson learned? Never introduce your family to your wife!
When I was younger, I had no idea how to make food very well. The first time I made Mac&Cheese I added a cup and a 1/4 of milk because I read the directions wrong. It was soup. Sucked. But I got better through experimentations.
Life is about experimenting. Like when I was younger and went through all the things in the bathroom cabinet to figure out what was and was not flammable. Hairspray was the best! In fact, one time after that day of experimenting, I was playing with the hairspray and caught the shower curtain on fire. I got it out quick, but not before a two foot wide hole was burned away. I never fessed up to it. I told my first wife about all this and one day when visiting my mother she blabbed to my mother about it. Though I was an adult and it had been almost 10 years since that happened, I got an earful about it. Lesson learned? Never introduce your family to your wife!
Thursday, March 17, 2011
Drinking day!
One year for St. Pat's I bought this bottle of Bushmill's to celebrate. My boy being almost 2 decided he didn't want to sleep that night, and so he was still up when I poured my first shot. I downed it and then he quickly snatched up my shot glass and licked it. He smiled and made a yum sound. I was so proud.
Since then, he had refined his tastes. At the age of almost four, he rather prefers malty beers and sweet beers, red wine, occasionally white wine, but has veered from hard liquor.
My daughter will drink about anything. She's two.
Since then, he had refined his tastes. At the age of almost four, he rather prefers malty beers and sweet beers, red wine, occasionally white wine, but has veered from hard liquor.
My daughter will drink about anything. She's two.
Wednesday, March 16, 2011
Getting ready to drunkify!
I hated beer when I was young. My mother used to have these pool parties when I was younger, about 12 or 13, and she would buy a couple of cases of light american beer shit that sucked. There would always be leftover beer in the cooler the next day. There was this one day, while my mother was still sleeping it off, our neighbor who was just a little younger than us, came over and we snuck a bunch of cans out into the pool area. Then, we made a tent and shook the cans. We had a knife and we punctured the sides of the cans and chugged... well, my brother and my neighbor did. I couldn't stand the taste of the shit.
It wasn't until years later that I found good beer tastes good, and that cheap american beer is like making love in a canoe.
Okay, not near as nice a memory of getting flashed by this chick when I was fifteen. Really big and round with the perfect nipples... is that illegal to write a memory of underage nipples? I mean, i was underage too. For that fact, if I come across pics from when I took picks of my 16yr old GF when I was 17... is that? Oh, never mind.
It wasn't until years later that I found good beer tastes good, and that cheap american beer is like making love in a canoe.
Okay, not near as nice a memory of getting flashed by this chick when I was fifteen. Really big and round with the perfect nipples... is that illegal to write a memory of underage nipples? I mean, i was underage too. For that fact, if I come across pics from when I took picks of my 16yr old GF when I was 17... is that? Oh, never mind.
Monday, March 14, 2011
Another one, please...
When a bartender who has been in the business sits down and drinks at the bar your currently tending, it's gonna be a good night. Especially if he feels like telling a story.
There are some good ones, and I particularly liked the one about the guy who drank snakebites. He would get done work and stop at the same bar everyday for one drink before heading home. He would order his snakebite, pay for the shot and never left a tip. Ever. It just so happened that the tender was there every day through the week when the guy would come in. His philosophy was, "You paid for the shot, but you've never paid for the service." So when the guy would order the shot, the Tender would pour the Yukon into a shot glass and then splash the lime juice in and place it before the guy. The guy took the shot, made a nasty face and said, "Don't you guys chill them here?"
Best part about the story is that this was not a one time incident. This was every day the guy came in. Tender set a warm shot on the bar everyday. The guy made the same nasty face everyday. The guy would say, "Don't you guys chill them here?" everyday.
Supposedly, humans learn from our mistakes. At some point, you would imagine that the guy would think to ask for it chilled, but never did.
Eh, well, it made me laugh.
There are some good ones, and I particularly liked the one about the guy who drank snakebites. He would get done work and stop at the same bar everyday for one drink before heading home. He would order his snakebite, pay for the shot and never left a tip. Ever. It just so happened that the tender was there every day through the week when the guy would come in. His philosophy was, "You paid for the shot, but you've never paid for the service." So when the guy would order the shot, the Tender would pour the Yukon into a shot glass and then splash the lime juice in and place it before the guy. The guy took the shot, made a nasty face and said, "Don't you guys chill them here?"
Best part about the story is that this was not a one time incident. This was every day the guy came in. Tender set a warm shot on the bar everyday. The guy made the same nasty face everyday. The guy would say, "Don't you guys chill them here?" everyday.
Supposedly, humans learn from our mistakes. At some point, you would imagine that the guy would think to ask for it chilled, but never did.
Eh, well, it made me laugh.
Wednesday, March 09, 2011
wasted days?
I love to read! I can spend an entire day locked in a room with a book and not even notice that I've wasted a day. Today i finished this wild web comic... really groovy stuff. Kinda cool to start, and then it got very weird. Yu+Me is what it's called. Excellent read if you like the odd and fun.
Other than that, kind of a day where I felt my body getting sick. Damn colds. Seems we all have them now.
Really, I have no good stories about having a cold. But I can tell you about a really crazy story about when I had the flu once... but I won't.
On another note, I'm always fascinated with the way people get pissed off about the weather this time of the year. We have a nice day or two where we get a nice warm front, and then things bounce back to where it's supposed to be and people get all bent out of shape about it. I mean, around here, this is a common occurrence, so you would figure that people would just get used to the shit. They never do...
Other than that, kind of a day where I felt my body getting sick. Damn colds. Seems we all have them now.
Really, I have no good stories about having a cold. But I can tell you about a really crazy story about when I had the flu once... but I won't.
On another note, I'm always fascinated with the way people get pissed off about the weather this time of the year. We have a nice day or two where we get a nice warm front, and then things bounce back to where it's supposed to be and people get all bent out of shape about it. I mean, around here, this is a common occurrence, so you would figure that people would just get used to the shit. They never do...
Monday, March 07, 2011
To drink or not to drink...
So here I sit, wondering if I should drink tonight or not. I mean, I guess I know I'll end up drinking, I suppose I'm wondering when I will start. I mean, I could get a head start on that now... but then I'll get sleepy. Perhaps a nap first?
Does it constitute a problem if you are trying to schedule your drinking? Hmmm? I wonder. Eh... maybe I should nap before drinking.
Does it constitute a problem if you are trying to schedule your drinking? Hmmm? I wonder. Eh... maybe I should nap before drinking.
Sunday, March 06, 2011
I've got that fuck-it-all feeling
Woke up again and had that feeling that I'm sure everyone knows. Its that feeling of despair and longing. Its that exhausted of life thing that grates our soul down to nothing.
And so what do I feel like today? Whiskey would be nice, but I'm starting to feel like I should stop drinking so much. I feel like I've only managed to fall asleep sober maybe once a week. Eh... I'll worry about it when I'm drunk later.
Oh, and one final piece of advice for the day: three crunch wraps may not seem like a lot, but it is a lot in the end. But damn are they good!
And so what do I feel like today? Whiskey would be nice, but I'm starting to feel like I should stop drinking so much. I feel like I've only managed to fall asleep sober maybe once a week. Eh... I'll worry about it when I'm drunk later.
Oh, and one final piece of advice for the day: three crunch wraps may not seem like a lot, but it is a lot in the end. But damn are they good!
Friday, March 04, 2011
I want Kool-Aid point again!
I started saving Kool-aid points late in my life because my mother always bought the cheep knock-off shit. Then, just as I was getting enough to actually mean anything, they end the whole thing. Shit!
I think I was supposed to order a new computer today. Okay, you know what, I could care less to write anything here, so I'm gonna go. See ya!
I think I was supposed to order a new computer today. Okay, you know what, I could care less to write anything here, so I'm gonna go. See ya!
Thursday, March 03, 2011
Really, I'm the normal one!
My wife has odd friends. Actually, the problem is that she will just be friends with anyone. I find this an odd behavior and it bothers me a lot. I'm very picky about calling people my friends. I wrote an essay on this once. The point of it was that you may call 10 people your work with "friends," but if you leave that job how many of those people will still keep in touch? Maybe 2? And how long before they no longer even send emails. I mean, I suppose with the whole facebook thing, you can remain "friends" for as long as you don't delete them, but are they really friends?
Okay, getting way off subject here.
So my wife seems to want to collect people who have some serious issues. There was the dirty fucking hippy who was sleeping on our floor. She was nasty! I mean, she smelled awful, and I said she had to get a shower to stay and she left. When I finally cleaned the area she was sleeping, I found about eight bags from fast food places with half eaten burgers and fries in them... stashed under the layer of blankets. I wanted to vomit to think for that moment that this dirty person who would rather be homeless than clean was sleeping on rotting fast food for at least 2 weeks... fucked up!
Now she has this woman that is leaving her husband who may be a junkie, rapist, and general douche-bag. There are restraining orders and such involved. Very dramatic. So I've been watching her son while she works a few times over the past couple of weeks. He likes to cry in his blanket a lot. He bites. And he eats toys.
Really, once I got out of being a teenager, I admit that I have little interest in getting involved with this kind of shit. But my wife seems to enjoy surrounding herself with these desperately pathetic people and situations. I mean, I hated the drama in high school. I read once that you surround yourself with like minded people. And this is yet one more reason I worry about my marriage.
On the upside, she's not interested in reading any of my work, so she'll never actually read this so I will never be in trouble for this.
Okay, getting way off subject here.
So my wife seems to want to collect people who have some serious issues. There was the dirty fucking hippy who was sleeping on our floor. She was nasty! I mean, she smelled awful, and I said she had to get a shower to stay and she left. When I finally cleaned the area she was sleeping, I found about eight bags from fast food places with half eaten burgers and fries in them... stashed under the layer of blankets. I wanted to vomit to think for that moment that this dirty person who would rather be homeless than clean was sleeping on rotting fast food for at least 2 weeks... fucked up!
Now she has this woman that is leaving her husband who may be a junkie, rapist, and general douche-bag. There are restraining orders and such involved. Very dramatic. So I've been watching her son while she works a few times over the past couple of weeks. He likes to cry in his blanket a lot. He bites. And he eats toys.
Really, once I got out of being a teenager, I admit that I have little interest in getting involved with this kind of shit. But my wife seems to enjoy surrounding herself with these desperately pathetic people and situations. I mean, I hated the drama in high school. I read once that you surround yourself with like minded people. And this is yet one more reason I worry about my marriage.
On the upside, she's not interested in reading any of my work, so she'll never actually read this so I will never be in trouble for this.
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